Dogbert stands on Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I'm going to teach morons how o get high-level jobs." Dilbert says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "I'm addicted to wagging." Dogbert's tail wags. Dilbert says, "Carry on." Dogbert stands in front of three messy men with vacant eyes. They all have their tongues out. Dogbert says, "Now turn your ear clockwise to get your tongue back in."
Dilbert, Alice and Wally are eating lunch. Alice says, "I experienced something called positive reinforcement today." Alice continues, "I'm addicted to it now... But it's wearing off... Must get more..." Alice says, "Say something nice about me!" Dilbert chews his lunch as Wally says, "For a crazy woman you don't drool much."
Alice thinks to herself, "I'm addicted to positive reinforcement." Alice continues thinking, "I need some deliverables so I can be praised again." Dilbert watches as Alice reaches for the overhead projector from under the table.
The Boss says to Catbert, "I inadvertently gave Alice verbal praise." Catbert asks, "Is she addicted?" The Boss says, "She's been lying and stealing to get more." Catbert replies, "She leaves us no choice." The Boss says to Alice, "I have to promote you to management."
Dilbert approaches Tina the Tech Writer. A piece of paper sticks to his hand. He says, "I think we have snails in the office." Dilbert holds the sheet of paper up and it appears to have something on it. Dilbert says, "There's a slime trail on everything." Dilbert exits and Tina stands on her desk chair to reach a giant pump labelled "Hand Lotion." Tina thinks, "That might be the second sign that I'm addicted to hand lotion."
Wally and Dilbert are at the coffee machine. Wally says, "I heard you had a cold." Dilbert responds, "It wasn't a cold." Dilbert continues, "I was addicted to prescription drugs and I grew an exoskeleton. I've been in rehab and surgery for six months." Wally responds, "Just to be clear: Can I catch any of that by touching the coffeemaker after you?"
doctor dogcart show
dogbert: My next guest cis addicted yo plastic surgery.
Ive always liked the whole dinosaur look, so I just went for it.
do you have some plainspoken advice for me
Shut up , freak
"I'm addicted to Spam. I can't resist."
"Last week I bought every pill that was offered and took them at the same time."
"Let me tell you, there are a few pills you don't want to mix with the gingko biloba."
Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?"
Dilbert: "Sure."
Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore."
"Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap."
"I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating."
"Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me."
"Burp"
"Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product."
"It works!"
"Lastly, I'll write children's books."
Dilbert: "What about rehab?"
"Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers."
Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."
"I'm addicted to e-mail. My endorphins spike when I get a message." "When there are no messages, loneliness and despair overcome me." "Have you tried sending e-mail to yourself?" "We don't talk about that."
