Aggressive Replacement Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

31 Results for Aggressive Replacement

View 1 - 10 results for aggressive replacement comic strips. Discover the best "Aggressive Replacement" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #company cellular, #dropped in john, #fish it out, #pager fell, #array of tools, #glasses, #toilet, #all needs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I need a replacement for my company cellular phone." "I dropped mine in the...John." The Boss: "Again?? Why don't you reach in and fish it out?" Dilbert: "I tried, but then my pager fell in too." The Boss: "Reach in and get them both." Dilbert: "I tried, of course, but when my vast array of writing tools fell in they kind of wedged..." The Boss: "Try it again!!!" Dogbert: "Where are your glasses?" Dilbert: "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1997's comic on:


Tags #project plan requested, #working day and night, #wold chipmunks, #clip art, #never mic sarcasm, #good clip art

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert enters the Boss's office. He says, "Here's my project plan as you requested." Dilbert explains, "Our team is already working day and night on other projects." Dilbert continues, "I assumed we'd give up eating, sleeping and bathing to fit this in." Dilbert continues, "By the second week we'll be starving, delirious and stinking." Dilbert continues, "We'll be like wild, unpredictable animals." Dilbert continues, "Specifically, we'd be like wild chipmunks. None of us are very aggressive." Dilbert points to the proposal and says, "This clip art represents us in week three as a pile of dead chipmunks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Now he wants it in two weeks?" Dilbert says, "Never mix sarcasm with good clip-art."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #request denied, #information servvces, #non standard computers, #replacement, #discard the old one, #trash declined, #no computers

View Transcript

Transcript

Man tells Wally, "Request denied. The information services department does not upgrade non-standard computers." Wally says, "It's not an upgrade. It's a replacement." Man says, "Our policy is that it's an upgrade unless you discard the old one." Trash man tells Wally, "Your trash is declined. Our policy is 'no computers'."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #computer screen, #defective, #ignoring, #knock yourself out, #over rated, #vigorusly

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok asks The Boss, "The lower left part of my computer screen is defective. May I order a replacement?" The Boss replies, "That part of the screen is overrated. Try ignoring it." Asok asks, "May I vigorously bang my head on your desk?" The Boss replies, "Sure. Knock yourself out."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2004's comic on:


Tags #sycophant school, #agree with superiors, #make statements, #fake smiles, #paid 400x more, #look at faces, #rude, #teaching, #aggressive, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

SYCOPHANT SCHOOL "You must learn to agree with your superiors no matter what they say." "For practice, I'll make statements and you agree. Remember to use your fake smiles." "Statement one: I should be paid 400 times more than you because I have to look at your faces."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #make ted quit, #aggressive replacement, #share resources, #job unbearable, #pants, #in same pants

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #corner, #cubilce, #door, #fantasy, #nutrients, #office, #replacement, #giant mushroom

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Now that you're out of the loop, your new cubicle will be a giant mushroom. It's a pleasant environment except when the mushroom gets its nutrients. wally: Nutrients?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #identify systems, #inefficient, #new standards, #passive aggressive, #freelancer

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: That thing is called a "boss." His job is to identify systems that are inefficient and make them our new standards. The Boss: I do way more than that. Alice: Don't look directly at it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #wall of approval, #heckler, #conceptual bricks, #tough audience, #aggressive, #dislike

View Transcript

Transcript

Each department that signs off on the proposal adds a brick to the wall of approval." approval process " Alice: Question: What would happen if I flung one of those conceptual bricks at your conceptual, stupid head? They warned me you were a tough audience. Alice: Fling! Fling!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #coffe maker, #aggressive, #machine, #contraption, #big, #metal, #fierce, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: You must be the new coffee machine. Thoop! It's aggressive, but I like that in my coffee makers."