Assistant Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

32 Results for Assistant

View 1 - 10 results for assistant comic strips. Discover the best "Assistant" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, shopping, nerdstrom, compile family, complimentary, guarantee, nice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into a store called Nerdstrom. A salesclerk says to Dilbert, "Hi, I'm Larry, and I'll be your personal shopping assistant." The salesman opens a measuring tape and says, "I'll start by measuring you, then I'll do your colors, then compile a brief family history for our records." The salesman continues, "Complimentary food and beverages will be served, and a masseuse is on call." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a new pen . . . Maybe something in a Bic." The man says, "I recommend the blue. We guarantee it for life." Dilbert says, "Yes, this will do nicely." Back at home, Dogbert asks, "Was it expensive?" Dilbert replies, "Fortunately, I qualified for their identured servant plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, suggestions, report, ridiculous, spit, woman, carol, assistant, violent

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, executive man, business meeting, assistants

View Transcript

Transcript

An executive says, "The motion is approved. Dogbert is our new company president because he has the best hair." Dogbert says to a man who follows him taking notes, ". . . Bulldoze the employee cafeteria and put in my helicopter pad . . . And I need a few office improvements . . ." Dogbert points to the floor in front of his desk and says to the assistant, "We need a trap door here, but it won't be funny unless you can give me some 'flushing' sounds."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wall art, low bid, assistant scourcing, earth, low cost art

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert watches Dogbert and Bob the Dinosaur hanging paintings on the office wall. He asks Dogbert, "How did you get the contract to supply our company with wall art?" Dogbert answers, "Low bid." Dogbert says, "As we speak, my assistant is scouring the earth in search of low-cost art." Ratbert stands outside the "School-O-Art" with a bag of money. As an art student wearing a beret and painter's smock is thrown out of the school with his painting, Ratbert says, "I'll take it!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personal digital assistant, write messages, state of the rat, technology, interoret handwriting

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert approaches Dilbert's desk and says, "I've come to be your personal digital assistant." Ratbert hands Dilbert a pen and says, "Use the little pen to write messages on my stomach. I'll use state-of-the-rat technology to interpret your handwriting." As Dilbert writes on Ratbert's stomach, Ratbert says, "Weave . . . me . . . a . . . cone . . . yoo . . . cupid . . . bat . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ethical question, low quality product, timely fashion, lie about prodcut, bugs are fixed, assistant, dogbert smacks rat bert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on the couch backrest. Dilbert says, "I have an ethical question, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "I'm here to help." Dilbert asks, "Is it better to give customers a low quality product in a timely fashion . . ." Dilbert continues, "Or is it better to lie about product availability until the bugs are fixed?" Dogbert snaps his paw and replies, "I will need my assistant, Ratbert, to address your ethical question." Ratbert stands next to Dogbert on the backrest. Dogbert says, "Let's say Ratbert is a trusting and innocent customer." Dogbert slaps Ratbert on the back and says, "Suppose somebody abuses his trust like this . . ." Ratbert falls between the couch cushions. Dilbert sits with his leg crossed under him and looks at Ratbert. Dilbert asks, "How does this relate to my situation?" Dogbert replies, "To be honest, I wasn't listening to you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogcart versus catbert, dilbert death, bob the donosuar, fur wedgie, lost paperwork, ordering execustion

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Dogbert versus Catbert." Dogbert stands on Catbert's desk and says, "I understand you've sentenced Dilbert to death." Catbert asks, "Is that a problem?" Bob the Dinosaur stands behind Dogbert and looks menacing. Dogbert says, "My assistant, Bob the Dinosaur, will now demonstrate how to give a cat a 'fur wedgie.'" Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. He says to Dogbert, "I've been pardoned. Somehow they lost the paperwork ordering my execution." Dogbert responds, "It probably fell into a crack."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags quality assurance, secretary assistant, intern, yell at kids, curising, no cursing

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok sits next to Carol at her desk. Dilbert says, "Asok! Did you escape your job in quality assurance?" Asok says, "Yes, I had to take a job as a secretary's assistant. I'll work my way back up to intern." Carol hands Asok the phone and says, "It's four o'clock. Call my kids and yell at them." ASok says, "Cursing or no cursing?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags can't read, ceo, copies, esearch, hand off, manage data, no copies, smother me, documents

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO says...: The CEO is sitting at his desk showing a folder to the Senior VP. The CEO says to the Senior VP: "The research supports my strategy." The CEO hands the folder to the Senior VP and says: "You can read the research but don't make copies." Senior VP says...: The Senior VP is holding the folder with both hands and says to the VP: "I can tell you about it but you can't read it." VP says...: The VP says to the Assistant VP: "I don't remember the reason but I'm sure there is one." Assistant VP says...: The Assistant VP is sitting at his desk and he says to the boss: "There's no reason." The boss, Wally and Dilbert are in a meeting and the boss says to them: "Our strategy is a huge mistake but we have to do it anyway." Dilbert is holding a suitcase and says to Dogbert: "After I fall asleep tonight, please smother me with a pillow." The CEO is sitting at his desk and thinks: "My people love me because I manage with data."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags assistant manager, clone me, boss, came to you, brilliant employee

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need a brilliant employee to be my assistant manager." The Boss continues, "That's why I came to you." Dilbert turns and says, "That's the first nice thing..." The Boss interrupts him, "Your job is to clone me."