Black Eye Comic Strips
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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm really nervous about this presentation for the Big Boss. Got any tips for me?" Dogbert replies, "Remember to bring a bunch of coins to jangle self-consciously in your pockets." Dogbert continues, ". . . Avoid eye contact and don't pause to explain your acronyms." Dilbert says, "I wish I could tell when you're kidding."
Dilbert stands in front of the mailbox reading an invitation. Dilbert says, "Great! The engineer's ball is black tie this year." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I will be renting a tuxedo for the ball, and I would like it if you could keep any snide comments to yourself." Dogbert says, "Gosh. Even I wouldn't make fun of a guy who would pay sixty-five bucks to wear borrowed pants."
Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "It's so awkward to walk past strangers in hallways; you always gotta avoid eye contact." Dilbert thinks, "I know - I'll wait until we're near and then pick up that little piece of fuzz on the carpet there." Dilbert arrives at home with a bandage on his head. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then we both went for the carpet fuzz." Dogbert replies, "Smooth."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table playing Scrabble. As Dogbert arranges his letters on the game board, Dilbert asks, "What the heck is 'jequirity?'" Dogbert replies, "You know - the poisonous, red and black seed of the Indian Licorice plant. Want to challenge?" Dilbert replies, "No. At least this one has vowels." Dogbert says, "That's 704 for me."
Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "To his horror, Dilbert discovers that all of his white socks have holes. 'My goodness!' he cries, 'I shall be forced to wear black socks to work.'" Dogbert continues typing, "'If only my pants reached the tops of my shoes, then the other engineers might not notice,' Dilbert despaired." Dilbert asks, "What are you writing?" Dogbert turns around and answers, "It's a 'geek' tragedy."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I like a man who makes eye contact." Dilbert thinks, "Uh no . . . Uncontrollable urge to look away . . . I've got to blink about twenty times. Why did she have to bring that up?" Dilbert covers his eyes, screams, knocks his drink over and blinks repeatedly. The woman turns to the reader and says, "I love doing that."
The judge asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict?" Dogbert stands and replies, "Yes, your honor. We find the defense attorney poorly dressed and obnoxious. We sentence him to death." The judge says, "I don't think you can do that." Dogbert continues, "Furthermore, we find that your honor looks fetching in a black muumuu."
Dawn: Little dinosaurs must listen to their mothers. Rex: Why? Dawn: Uh... Because older dinosaurs have experience... We know how to avoid danger. Rex: Yeah? Bob: Hey, did you know it hurts when you stick one of these in your eye? Rex: Hee hee! Good one, mom; I almost believed you!!
The caption says, "It is the most feared and hated creature on earth." The caption says, "Not a dinosaur." Bob the Dinosaur growls. The caption says, "Not a rabid dog." Dogbert asks, "Rabid?" The caption says, "Not Donald Trump." Donald Trump wears a tuxedo. The caption says, "It is the 'ugly single male.'" Dilbert holds his arms out. The caption says, "Other males fear being associated with him." Dilbert says, "Hi, guys!" Two men run away from him. The caption says, "Women avoid eye contact and flee in horror." Dilbert asks, "Anybody free for lunch?" One woman puts her head down and covers her face. Another runs away. The caption says, "Only a maiden sacrifice can end the horror." A woman tells Dilbert, "We drew straws; I have to marry you."
The strip is titled, "Women's guide to avoiding Dilbert." The caption says, "Wear stereo headphones, look straight ahead and outrun him." Dilbert chases a jogger asking, "What's your name?" The woman ignores him. The caption says, "Comb your hair over your face to avoid accidental eye contact." Dilbert waves his hands at a woman but her hair covers her eyes. The caption says, "Travel in groups and make it clear you will dissect any man." A woman tells three other women, "I've noticed that all men have B.O. (body odor)." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "Drive to and from secret destinations in fast cars." Dilbert watches a woman drive by in a sports car. He thinks, "I wonder where she lives?" The caption says, "Mention a boyfriend in every sentence." Dilbert says, "Nice weather." The woman replies, "My boyfriend likes weather." The caption says, "Never attend a ladies' night activity." Dilbert stands in a bar with three other men. He thinks, "No women . . . I wonder what tipped them off." The caption says, "Never give out your real phone number." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "This only has three digits." The woman says, "Everybody knows me there."