Cafeteria Comic Strips
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Dilbert walks through the cafeteria holding a tray of food. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no, not this cashier again. She always hands back my change right over my soda. I just know she's trying to make me drop a dime in my drink." Dilbert stands at the cashier and waves his hand over his drink saying, "No! No! No!" The cashier thinks, "Fake left . . ." Dilbert says as he eats his lunch, "It's not the coins in the soda that get me; it's that darned celebration dance she does."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "Starting today, the company will begin random drug testing." The Boss continues, "Although it would be illegal to search your car or home for illegal drugs . . ." The Boss concludes, "We have found no ethical problem with sucking the blood out of your body. Results will be posted in the cafeteria."
Dilbert stands in front of Zimbu the Monkey's desk and says, "Look, Zimbu, you might have learned language skills at the zoo, but it takes more than that to be an engineer." Wally enters and says, "Dilbert, Zimbu, let's hit the cafeteria for morning donuts." Dilbert, Wally and Zimbu sit at a table eating donuts. Dilbert says, "Okay, after ten a.m. it takes more than language skills to be an engineer." Wally says, "Not today -- we have a staff meeting."
A woman with a huge nose tells Dilbert and Wally, "I've decided to have plastic surgery." Dilbert replies, "Frankly, I think it's the right decision." Dilbert continues, "Maybe then nobody will call you 'Toucan Sam' behind your back in the cafeteria every day." Wally says, "Ooh, and remember when the summer intern left?" Wally continues, "The joke was 'Maybe Janet accidentally snorted him up her nose.'" Janet says, "Actually, I'm only going to have my lips puffed." Wally whispers, "I hope the nurses are tethered down." Dilbert arrives at home with his arm in a sling and a bandage on his head. He tells Dogbert, "I got off easy . . . Poor Norman got snorted."
Dilbert sits across from a man's desk. The man says, "Thanks for your time, Dilbert. It's always good to get the technical perspective." Dilbert says, "Hey, it's lunchtime. Would you like to join me in the cafeteria?" The man replies, "Ooh . . . No, I couldn't do that." The man explains, "I'm on the management track, so I can't be seen eating lunch with you." The man continues, "If I'm seen with an ordinary employee then people will think I'm ordinary." The man continues, "I'd like to eat with the senior executives, but of course they don't want to be seen with me." The man slides under his desk and says, "So I've perfected a method of slipping quietly away at lunch time." Dilbert turns to the reader and says, "The scary part is that someday that man will be my boss."
The Boss says to Dilbert and a woman, "I'm proud to announce that the company has found yet another way to dehumanize the employees." The Boss continues, "From now on you will wear identification badges at work. This symbolizes that people who look like you are often criminals." The Boss adds, "Oh . . . And the cafeteria is closed. We'll just lay down some alfalfa in the break room."
An executive says, "The motion is approved. Dogbert is our new company president because he has the best hair." Dogbert says to a man who follows him taking notes, ". . . Bulldoze the employee cafeteria and put in my helicopter pad . . . And I need a few office improvements . . ." Dogbert points to the floor in front of his desk and says to the assistant, "We need a trap door here, but it won't be funny unless you can give me some 'flushing' sounds."
The caption says, "Catbert, the evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Catbert says, "We're moving to 'cafeteria style' benefits." Catbert continues, "Under this system, if you need health care, you wander through the cafeteria asking 'Does anybody know what this red lump is?'" Alice asks, "What if it's a life-threatening problem?" Catbert replies, "That reminds me, the cafeteria won't be labeling the entrees anymore."
The Boss says to his secretary, "Carol, from now on I'd like you to type up all of my incoming voice mail so I can just read it." The Boss continues, "And print out all of my e-mail every day so I don't have to log onto the network." The Boss continues, "And get me a sandwich from the cafeteria. Ooh, no cash. I'll pay you back." Carol asks, "Do you want me to prechew the sandwich or can you handle that on your own?" Carol says to Wally and Dilbert, "Listen up, you overpaid engineers . . ." Carol continues, "By order of our reclusive boss, the new dress code for engineers is bumblebee costumes." Carol continues, "If you don't believe me, send him voice mail and ask for yourself. Oh, and he wants you to buy him a sandwich." The Boss asks Carol, "Still no messages this week? Is everybody out sick?" Carol replies, "I heard they have hives." Dilbert stands next to the Boss wearing a bee costume.
The Boss stands next to an overhead projector and says, "Last week our consultants warned us about a serious threat." The Boss continues, "They said our competitors would 'eat our lunch.'" The Boss continues, "I'm happy to tell the executive committee that I leapt into action." The Boss continues, "I hired a security guard to protect the cafeteria." The Boss concludes, "Our lunches are safe." An executive says to another, "I always thought that was just a figure of speech." The woman replies, "Fool! Give me your department!" One executive shouts, "Let go of my hair!!" One of them slaps the other and someone shouts, "Ouch!!" The Boss thinks, "This is going better than usual." Dilbert asks a security guard, "Why is the cafeteria closed?" The guard replies, "Someone ate all the lunches." He burps.