Canceled Project Comic Strips
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Dilbert arrives home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I got transferred to the Glickman Nuclear Power Project." Dogbert asks, "Aren't you worried about radiation?" Dilbert replies, "My boss says the last safety inspection was quite favorable." Dogbert asks, "What were his EXACT words?" Dilbert answers, ". . . The inspectors gave a glowing report." Dogbert says, "Maybe you'll mutate into something smarter."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Helen just canceled our date." Dogbert asks, "What excuse this time?" Dilbert sits on the hassock with Dogbert and answers, "Apparently she discovered tiny frozen cavemen in her ice cube trays and she's trying to revive them for science." Dogbert asks, "Are you the least bit suspicious of that story?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . . How do I know they aren't just pretending to be cavemen?"
Dilbert, Dogbert and a man sit on a park bench. The man says, ". . . So then I sez to my boss, 'You can just stuff this stupid project . . .'" The man continues, "Then I sez, 'Let's see YOU do this job.' And I sez, 'I should get a raise.' I gotta go." Dogbert says, "The more they sez 'I sez,' the less likely it is they really said what they sez they said."
Dilbert reads a letter and tells Dogbert, "My credit card has been canceled. The stupid bank's computer thinks I died." Dilbert continues, "This is an opportunity for some righteous indignation. I love that." Dilbert dials the telephone. A customer service representative answers the phone and says, "Hello, credit card department, an underpaid employee speaking." The man says, "Well, yes, apparently you are alive, but it would be very difficult to reprogram the computer . . ." Dilbert replies, "I'm sure you'll find a solution." A woman at the bank asks, "Kill him?" The man replies, "Unless you'd RATHER read this computer manual."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your new project will be VITAL to the performance of this company!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "The more he talks it up the stupider the project must be." The Boss says, ". . . High visibility, a chance to excel and be noticed!" The Boss continues, "In fact, I stand to salute you for the job you will be doing! You're what makes this country great!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this have anything to do with the janitors' strike?"
The Boss gestures toward an employee and says to Dilbert and another man, "I'd like to recognize Wilson for working twenty-hour days and making the project a success." The man says, "Thanks, but I'm not Wilson. He quit months ago." The Boss says, "Oh . . ." The Boss walks away thinking, "I've got to sop calling this the employee recognition program."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "You've got to step down as King of Elbonia. These people are capable of making their own decisions." An Elbonian says, "The Paper-Rock-Scissors Olympics are canceled. We couldn't agree on the rules." The Elbonian continues, "And of course, we all wear mittens . . ." Dogbert asks Dilbert, "What was your point?"
Dilbert sits at a conference table with several people. The man next to Dilbert says, "My project is a whole new paradigm." Dilbert asks, "What's a paradigm?" The man replies, "Heh-heh . . . 'What's a paradigm' . . . Funny." Dilbert says, "Seriously, what is it?" The man replies, "You know . . . Paradigm, paradigmish . . ." The man continues, "As in 'this project is a paradigm.'" The man says, "But enough about my project . . . Tell us about your project." Dilbert says, "It's a paradigm." Another man says, "My project is a paradigm too." Dilbert whispers to the man sitting next to him, "They bought it."
The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Dilbert, do a presentation for the big boss tomorrow morning on the status of your project." Dilbert replies, "There isn't any status. You only assigned the project an hour ago." The Boss says, "Well then, do a presentation on why there's no status." Dilbert replies, "I don't have time before tomorrow morning." The Boss says, "Okay, then just do a presentation on why there's no time to do a presentation of the status." The Boss adds, "And I want to review it two days before you present it." Dilbert replies, "That would be yesterday." Dilbert asks, "Should I do a presentation on why tomorrow is less than two days from today?" The Boss replies, "Hmm . . . good. The boss likes that analytical stuff."
Dilbert sits at a table building something. Dogbert asks, "What happened with the robot you were building?" Dilbert replies, "Nobody can make a robot. It's impossible." The garbage man opens a trashcan and sees the remains of a robot. He thinks, "Hmm . . . A perfectly good robot. Probably just needs a neurospectrum field calibration." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That whole robot project was bad for my ego as an engineer." A robot enters and says, "Hey! Guess who's WAY smarter than you!"