Chilling Effect Comic Strips
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Dogbert stands at the counter in a drug store. He says to the clerk, "Hello. Do you remember selling some hair growth formula to a big guy named Dilbert?" The man replies, "Um . . ." Dogbert continues, "Well, I'M Dilbert, and apparently there are some unusual side effects!" The clerk looks shocked. Dogbert continues, "I took time out from my thriving law practice to come talk to you about it." Dogbert walks home humming. Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "Thanks, Dogbert, but I only asked you to get my prescription refill . . . Not the deed to the pharmacy." Dogbert replies, "In the long run this is more cost-effective."
A man points to a painting and says to Dilbert, "Notice how the eyes seem to follow you." Dilbert moves his head and says, "Wow, that's a weird effect." The man says, "It gets better." Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. The eyes from the painting followed him home and are sitting on the window sill.
Ratbert and Dogbert sit on a hassock. Ratbert says, "All this week I've been testing Madonna's 'Compulsion' perfume at the lab." Dogbert asks, "Any side effects?" Ratbert replies, "Heck no . . . Unless you consider marrying a bunsen burner a 'side effect.'" Ratbert asks, "Say . . . Who's that cute little filly on the table?!" Dogbert responds, "We call her the lamp."
Dogbert and Dilbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method." Dogbert replies, "But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called 'time' and 'cause and effect' exist." Dilbert says angrily, "That's what I was taught and that's what I believe." Dogbert replies, "Sounds cultish."
Dogbert sits across from the President's desk. Dogbert says, "So, Mister President, a tax rebate for dogs is the only fair way to stimulate the economy." Dogbert continues, "Because then you get a keynesian free market multiplier effect to boost your GNP up the supply side of the curve." The President asks, "Are you POSITIVE that dogs can vote?" Dogbert thinks, "Now, r-e-e-l him in . . ."
Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."
A woman tells Dilbert and Wally, "I'm collecting money for Mary's birthday gift." Dilbert asks, "How much do you want?" She replies, "Oh, it's totally up to you." The woman continues, "However, the usual accepted levels are, in effect . . ." She continues, "Ten dollars from her boss and anybody else who thinks it would improve his odds of becoming romantically involved with her." The woman continues, "Five dollars from male co-workers who feel their manhood would be threatened by a smaller gift . . ." She continues, "One dollar if you're a secretary or if nobody is watching . . ." The woman concludes, "Or you can just ruffle the money already in the envelope and act like you gave five." Dilbert says, "Let's say you fall into more than one of those categories . . ." Wally ruffles the money in the envelope. The woman thinks, "Engineers."
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. He addresses the audience, "Welcome to the 'Dogbert Time Management Lecture Series.'" Dogbert continues, "Sorry I'm an hour late, but I was giving another lecture across town . . . In effect, I'll complete two jobs while you sit in the dark like stunned cattle." Dogbert looks down at the audience and says, "I don't mean to rub it in, but mooo . . . "
Dilbert sits at a conference table with three other people. A man says, "Maybe Dilbert can tell us if our plan is technically feasible." Dilbert thinks, "For dramatic effect I'll scoff loudly." Dilbert thinks, "I'll just sort of laugh and snort and take a breath at the same time." Dilbert makes a strange noise. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no! Some spittle went down my air pipe . . . I'm choking." Dilbert falls over in his chair and makes choking noises. A woman asks, "Should we do something?" A man replies, "We're over our headcount, you know." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . And so I survived, but my professional credibility took a hit." Dogbert replies, "You knew the risks when you became an engineer."
Dilbert and Dogbert stand in a parking lot. A man approaches their car and says, "Hey! Dilbert! Is that your nerdmobile?" The man laughs. Dilbert thinks, "It's my old high school nemesis, Chuck." Chuck says, "Maybe you'd like to race me in my Corvette." He laughs. Dilbert points to his car and says, "Actually, Chuck, if you had taken a science class you'd know this a 'Seebeck effect' power plant capable of 600 miles per hour." Dilbert continues, "Any idiot knows you can get massive power simply by using the sun to heat the junction of two dissimilar wires joined at both ends." Dilbert continues, "Apparently I'm faster AND smarter than you. And these tax forms show that I also earn more than you." Dogbert holds up the forms. Chuck says, "Here's a picture of my new girlfriend. She teaches aerobics." Dilbert says, "He's winning. Help me out here, Dogbert." Dogbert waves his paw and says, "Step aside." Dogbert tells Chuck, "I notice that your girlfriend has unusually large hands and a very pronounced Adam's apple." Chuck asks, "So?"