Chinese Astrology Comic Strips

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16 Results for Chinese Astrology

View 1 - 10 results for chinese astrology comic strips. Discover the best "Chinese Astrology" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #smart, #pills, #chinese, #herbs, #news, #story, #naturally, #discovered, #gift, #item

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert enters holding a paper bag and says, "I bought some 'Smart Pills' for you. They're made from Chinese herbs." Dogbert continues, "I saw a news story about these . . . And naturally I thought of you." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I've discovered the perfect gift item."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Astrology, #stars, #personality, #seasonal, #differences, #sunlight, #natural, #mothers, #predictable, #results, #fetal, #brain, #ancients, #measure, #patterns, #watches

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Dilbert helps Dogbert onto a rock as he says, "It's amazing that people believe in astrology . . . As if the stars could affect your personality." Dogbert replies, "Well, seasonal differences in diet, sunlight and natural rhythms could affect expectant mothers, which could have predictable results on fetal brain development." Dogbert continues, "Maybe the ancients simply used the stars to measure the timing of these patterns." Dilbert asks, "If they were so smart, why didn't they invent watches?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teller, #automated, #machine, #menus, #chinese language option

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Dilbert: Im getting performance anxiety at the automated teller machine. I feel the impatient glare of the stranger behind me. I try to prove competent by speeding through the menus. Good Lord, I hit the mandarin chinese language option. Oh no! I think I transferred my life savings to the "United way" Great...now his truck eyeballs are stuck to the back of my neck. This is exactly why I hate going to the automated teller. Dogbert: I think a little "visine" would make him slide right off. Dilbert: There was a time I could afford that...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #chinese version, #chinese words, #difference, #products instructions, #random scribbles

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The boss hands Tina piece of paper and says, "Tina, I want you to write the chinese version of our products instructions." Tina says, "can you tell the difference between Chinese words and random scribbles?" The boss says, "No." Tina says, "I'll be done in five minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels

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Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #different decsions, #iq 240, #intuition and experence, #chinese astrology

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Asok: I've noticed that every decision you make is different from what I would have done. My IQ is 240. Your IQ aspires to th three-digit range, I assume that your intuition and experience are guiding you. Please be that. The Boss: Chinese astrology!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vp, #amrketing, #xperinece, #unrelated, #indutry, #assured, #shampoo, #sailing, #Astrology

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The Boss: Our new VP of Marketing has twenty years of experience in an unrelated industry. "But he assured me that technology is the same as shampoo." "I predict smooth sailing." New VP: "Technology? I though you said astrology."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar line, #design, #ecstatic, #massive design flaws, #press release, #proper incenives, #stock options, #underwater

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"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #afterlife, #death & dying, #international economic integration, #secure a long term supply, #rare earth, #metal, #rare earth metals, #dying, #reincarnating, #20% chance, #born chinese

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The Boss says, "Our consultant will tell us how we can secure a long-term supply of rare earth metals for our products." The Boss says, "China has the most of the rare earth metals. Try dying. And reincarnating. There's a 20% chance that you'll be born Chinese." The Boss says, "What's plan B?" Dogbert says, "If the only part that goes wrong is the Chinese part, you can try dying again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Astrology, #furniture, #magic, #feng shui, #black magic, #voodoo, #psychic, #overbooked, #office design, #occult

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Dilbert: The feng shui consultant you asked for is overbooked. But I found a guy who is heavily into astrology, black magic, and voodoo. Boss: Are you trying to tell me something? Dilbert: Ask him. He's also a psychic.