Crush Urges Comic Strips
32 Results for Crush Urges
View 1 - 10 results for crush urges comic strips. Discover the best "Crush Urges" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 13, 1990's comic on:
A man asks Dilbert, "How's the new secretary for the department working out?" Dilbert replies, "I think he's having a self-image problem." The secretary sits at his desk and says, "Sure, I'm a secretary, but watch me crush this paper clip!!"
Share November 10, 1991's comic on:
Tags #Dogbert, #author, #book, #signing, #autograph, #copy, #bobby mcnewton, #child star, #sixties, #leave it to beaver, #leveraging, #fame, #promote, #recipe, #walnuts, #milk, #pork, #pig, #corpse, #ghost writer
Dogbert walks by a bookstore. A sign in the window says, "Book signing today." A man at a table asks, "Would you like an autographed copy?" Dogbert asks, "Who are you?" The author replies, "I'm Bobby McNewton, child-star from the Sixties. I once had a speaking part on 'Leave it to Beaver.'" Bobby continues, "I'm leveraging my fame to promote my recipe book." The book is titled "Bobby McNewton's Cooking With Walnuts." Dogbert opens the book and reads, "'Walnuts and Milk: Crush walnuts on table. Pour milk on walnuts. Serve cold.'" Dogbert reads, "'Walnuts and Pork: Kill a pig. Cook dead pig. Sprinkle walnuts on pig's corpse.'" Bobby says, "I used a ghost writer." Dogbert asks, "Was he a ghost before he ate your food?"
Share February 11, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert says to a robot, "Remember, the 'Robot's Code' requires you to use your vast strength to serve, protect, and never harm humans." The robot says, "Ha! I didn't sign any 'Robot's Code.' In fact, with my vast strength I can make YOU serve ME!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I forgot to program in the 'Robot's Code.'" The robot reaches toward Dilbert's head and says, "Maybe I'll crush your head just for fun!"
Share October 14, 1992's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "Uh-oh . . . I smell a creative idea being formed somewhere in the building." The Boss sniffs the air. The Boss sits in a window in the top floor of an office building. He thinks, "I must find it and crush it." Dilbert and a man stand in front of a suggestion box while the Boss hides around the corner. Dilbert says, "Hey, this is new." The man says, "It's a trap!!"
Share November 23, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a table with two Elbonians. One Elbonian says, "We left-handed Elbonians have been persecuted for centuries. We must crush the righties!" Dilbert asks, "Don't you see that it's only an arbitrary distinction? Isn't it obvious that people are the same no matter what hand they favor?" The Elbonian replies, "No, that isn't obvious to us at all." Dilbert waves his right hand and says, "Geez, you lefties are thick. I'm glad I'M normal."
Share April 23, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert says to a classroom of children, "The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe." Dilbert continues, "Engineers prefer to work as 'consultants' on project teams. That way there's no real work, blame is spread across the group, and you can crush any idea from marketing!" Dilbert continues, ". . . And sometimes you get free donuts just for showing up!" The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom."
Share November 30, 1993's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Matt is fresh out of engineering school. You'll be his mentor." The Boss continues, "Whatever you do, don't crush his spirit before Wednesday." Dilbert asks, "Why put it off so long?" The Boss replies, "Because I bet ten bucks we could string him along until Thursday."
Share February 15, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: "I can't live my life trying to please others." Dogbert: "I think I can speak for all others when I say, 'Fool! You'd better please us or we'll crush you!'" Dilbert: "It was just a thought." Dogbert: "We 'others' don't like to be threatened."
Share June 04, 1995's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert at a conference table with a vendor. Dilbert looks at a product and says, "Your company makes an attractive little product, Jim." Dilbert hands the unit back to Jim. Dilbert says, "But we've decided to go with a vendor whose product actually works." Jim stands up suddenly, causing Dilbert's tie to fly straight up. Jim screams, "Fools!!! I'll crush you!!!" Jim continues, "I'll tell your boss you made a stupid decision!! Your careers will be ruined and I'll get the contract anyway!!" Wally says, "You can't scare us! Do you think our boss will believe a vendor over his own loyal employees?" Wally and Dilbert cross their arms and think, "Must . . . keep . . . a . . . straight . . . face . . ." Wally, Dilbert and Jim erupt in laughter. Dilbert says, "We'll take a million units." Jim says, "Take two million and I'll see that you get nice raises."
Share October 25, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert lies on the couch with his knees bent and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert says, "Terrible news: my boss assigned me to a fun and valuable project." Dogbert says, "Uh-oh. That means at least three morons will be assigned to similar projects. You must find them and crush them . . ." Dilbert says, "Exactly." Back at the office, Dilbert enters a co-worker's cubicle and says, "Carl, old buddy, whatcha workin' on these days?" Carl waves his hands and says, "Nothing fun and valuable. Shoo shoo!!"