Data Center Comic Strips

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200 Results for Data Center

View 1 - 10 results for data center comic strips. Discover the best "Data Center" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #lunch money, #data, #diskettes, #school, #bully, #aging

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A large man enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Yo, Dilbert, give me your lunch money or I'll erase your data diskettes." Dilbert replies, "Touch my data and I'll erase any mention of you from the main payroll computer." Beads of sweat flies from the man's head and he says, "No . . . Please, I'm sorry." Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "Nothing is more pathetic than an aging school bully." The man says, "I took shop; I can make you some nice bookends."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #engineering, #newsletter, #interesting, #pathos, #human, #drama, #Dogbert, #tissues

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "I've got to make the engineering newsletter more interesting." Dilbert thinks, "It needs pathos and human drama." Dilbert reads from a printout, "How to cope with the loss of loved data . . ." Dogbert says, "Wait . . . I better get some tissues."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #system, #data, #bits, #virtual, #array, #conflugalize, #words, #woman, #female, #employees

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Dilbert sits at a conference table with three people from marketing. A woman says, "Maybe Dilbert can explain to the marketing people how the system works." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . So the electrons alter the data bits . . . And then they go to the virtual array where they conflugalize. Got it?" The woman asks, "How many of those words did you just make up?" Dilbert thinks, "They're on to me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #service, #include, #squeege, #glasses, #shirt, #full service

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Dilbert walks into "Jiffy Med Center" with a sore arm. The nurse says to Dilbert, "Do you want self service or the full service?" Dilbert answers, "Uh . . . full." Dilbert asks a man with a stethoscope, "What does full service include?" The man answers, "We squeegee your glasses and check under your shirt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #leader, #vegetarian, #movement, #warning, #cow, #egg, #industry, #retrsopect, #floor, #command, #elevator

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An overweight man enters Dogbert's office and says as he pants and wheezes, "Are you Dogbert, the new leader of the vegetarian movement?" Dogbert replies, "Yes." The man continues to pant as he says, "I have a warning from the cow and egg industry . . . You must ERK!" The man lies on the ground with his feet in the air. Dogbert says, "In retrospect, it was pretty clever of us to rent a third floor command center with no elevator."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #invented, #send, #vast, #amounts, #fiber, #optic, #cables, #application, #bells, #theorem, #showed, #molecule, #electron, #originally, #joined, #industry, #give, #bed

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Dilbert sits at the desk and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "There . . . I think I've invented a way to send vast amounts of data without fiber optic cables." Dilbert continues, "It's a simple application of J. S. Bell's theorem. He showed that if you break up a molecule and change the spin of one electron, the spin of the other electrons originally joined will immediately change too, no matter where they are." Dilbert asks, "What do you think the fiber optic industry will give me for this." Dogbert replies, "A horse's head in your bed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #center, #universe, #described, #terms, #relationship, #brain

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "I've decided to be the center of the universe." Dogbert continues, "All of the things in the universe can now be described in terms of their relationship to me." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a rock. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why you're doing this." Dogbert replies, "That's because your brain is only a half-Dogbert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #television, #budget, #education, #money, #percentage, #difference, #music, #safety, #law, #studies, #piano-related deaths, #lawmakers, #health risks, #watching, #scary, #shows

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Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. A newscaster says, "The budget for education was cut ten million dollars." Dogbert thinks, "Is that a big percentage? Does it make any difference?" The reporter says, "Congress considered a music safety law after studies showed a ten percent increase in piano-related deaths." Dogbert wonders, "How does that compare to other health risks? Should I be concerned?" The newscaster continues, "Lawmakers debated a bill to lower capital gains tax rates . . ." Dogbert thinks, "What do most economists think? Would it stimulate the economy much? Should I care?" The newscaster continues, "A new poll show that many voters have strong opinions on these issues despite the fact that we provide no useful contextual data." Dogbert walks away with his ears standing up. He thinks, "I've got to stop watching scary shows right before bedtime."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #creativity, #consultant, #intuition, #mumbo jumbo, #quantitative data, #decisions, #assumptions, #calculate, #net, #discount, #rate, #meaninggless

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A man stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, "We don't need any of your 'intuition' mumbo jumbo. We need quantitative data!" The man continues, "The only way to make decisions is to pull numbers out of the air, call them 'assumptions,' and calculate the net present value." The man continues, "Of course, you have to use the right discount rate, otherwise it's meaningless." Dogbert says, "Go away."