Delegate Tasks Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for delegate tasks comic strips. Discover the best "Delegate Tasks" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #rivers, #trees, #management, #variety, #dangerous, #tasks, #woods, #survival, #depend, #creativity, #ability, #team-building, #exercise, #headcount, #reduction

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm sending all of you to the 'Rivers and Trees' management course." The Boss continues, "There you'll be asked to perform a variety of dangerous tasks in the woods. Your survival will depend on your creativity and ability to work together." Dilbert says, "Oh, so it's a team-building exercise." The Boss replies, "I think of it more as a headcount reduction thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #organized, #tasks, #priorities, #trouble, #stapler, #oil, #goodness, #Wally

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "There . . . I've organized all of my tasks into 'A,' 'B' and 'C' priorities." Dilbert thinks, "The 'A' priorities aren't even worth doing. And the 'B' priority stuff would probably get me in trouble." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you done with the stapler oil?" Wally holds up a polished stapler and says, "Thank goodness for 'C' priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob, #budget analyst, #delegate, #dinosaur, #engineers, #find dumber customers, #letter, #marketing genius, #new vp, #senior mangement, #wedgies

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Bob the dinosaur; gives wedgies to corporate people who deserve it. Budget analyst I don't understand any of our projects, I cut the ones with "E" In their names. BOB: What was that letter? analysts: EEEE! Engineers Wally: we doubled our costs, to add back up systems. Dilbert: You ant be too careful. Bob: two at once. In case one enjoys it. Wally: MMMM Marketing genius Market segmentation is the key. Dont improve the product just find dumber customers! Senior management BOB: These guys know how to delegate! You're the new VP of wedgies.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project plan, #every resource, #task, #dependency, #road map, #two weeks, #tasks, #two weeks late, #dependencies are wrong, #estimates, #to be determined, #ransom numbers, #redo whole plan

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Man: "Let's spend the next four hours reviewing the project plan." "I've detailed every resource, task and dependency into an exquisitely accurate road map." "It took me two weeks, but it's the only way to make sure we're not wasting time." Alice: "My tasks are two weeks late because I was waiting for your input." Dilbert: "And you left off one task, so all the dependencies are wrong." Wally: "I'm changing all of my estimate to 'to be determined'." Dilbert: "Can we do that? I've just been using random numbers." Man: "I'll have to redo the whole plan." Wally: "Don't worry. We won't do anything until we hear from you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six months, #project six months, #one month, #annual visit, #doesn't understand, #selfish boss, #impossible tasks, #time frames etc

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"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boos, #delegate work, #mark compalins, #throws a fit, #complain, #behind back, #boss retreats

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The Boss: We've hired the Dogbert Ad Agency to give our company a new image. Mark: AAAGH! MARK: Sure, Sure...I"ll do it, but I'll have this expression the whole time. and just maybe I"ll complain behind your back!! The Boss: Never mind, I'll do it myself. Oh, right, keep the good assignment,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #self mangled team, #vital tasks, #staus report, #kiss some butts, #track your time

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm going to make your group a 'self-managed team.'" The Boss continues, "All of the vital management tasks that I've been doing will now be shared among you." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "Stop your work and give me a status report." Alice says, "Track your time." Wally says, "I think I'll kiss some butts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance this year, #tasks, #tiny raise, #boss asigned, #bonus, #keeping salaries low, #workplace violence

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The Boss sits at his desk and Dilbert sits across from him. The Boss tells Dilbert, "Your performance this year was good, but you worked on tasks that aren't important. Therefore you get a tiny raise." Dilbert looks angry as he replies, "I worked on the tasks YOU assigned. What's that say about YOUR performance?" The Boss replies, "It's excellent. I get a bonus for keeping salaries low." Dilbert asks, "Have you seen any literature on workplace violence?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #writing email, #protest new policy, #empty trash, #highly paid engineers, #unproductive tsak, #inventing the future, #quality faire

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Wally stands behind Dilbert's desk. Dilbert says, "I'm writing an e-mail to protest the new policy of making the employees empty their own trash at night." Dilbert continues, "It's stupid to have highly paid engineers doing unproductive tasks when we could be inventing the future!" Wally asks, "Are you coming to the 'Quality Faire?'" Dilbert answers, "No, this will take another hour."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #certain religions, #rid of egos, #perform pointless tasks

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Wally tells Dilbert, "I read somewhere that certain religions require their initiates to perform pointless never-ending tasks to rid them of their egos." Wally and Dilbert look at each other. Wally and Dilbert bow in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss thinks, "What now?"