Emailed Payroll Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

39 Results for Emailed Payroll

View 1 - 10 results for emailed payroll comic strips. Discover the best "Emailed Payroll" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #lunch money, #data, #diskettes, #school, #bully, #aging

View Transcript

Transcript

A large man enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Yo, Dilbert, give me your lunch money or I'll erase your data diskettes." Dilbert replies, "Touch my data and I'll erase any mention of you from the main payroll computer." Beads of sweat flies from the man's head and he says, "No . . . Please, I'm sorry." Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "Nothing is more pathetic than an aging school bully." The man says, "I took shop; I can make you some nice bookends."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #phone, #phone call, #bank, #trouble, #payroll, #deposit, #check, #you, #distress

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello?" A voice says, "This is your bank." The voice says, "We're having trouble meeting payroll . . . Could you come down and make some deposits right away?" Dilbert asks, "Will you take a check?" The person asks, "From YOU?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #payroll computer, #gie raise, #Dogbert, #not ethical, #five percent raise, #quality of work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands at Dilbert's desk working on the computer and Dilbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "It isn't ethical to hack into the payroll computer and give me a raise, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "Not ethical?? Is it ethical for them to make you work seventy hours a week and only pay you for forty??!!" Dilbert asks, "How about a five percent raise?" Dogbert replies, "Well, there is the issue of the quality of your work . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #critical code, #air traffic control, #gifted programmer, #payroll system, #dont fly, #pay day

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system. The crowd is silent." Wally thinks, "Suddenly the gifted programmer employs a rarely seen strategy of 'code reuse.' The crowd goes wild." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit a table eating lunch. Dilbert asks Wally, "So you used code from the payroll system?" Wally replies, "Here's a tip: don't fly on pay day."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian database, #payroll, #accounts receivable, #golf balls

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and an Elbonian man sit at a conference table. The Elbonian says, "Our Elbonian database product can replace every one of your current systems." Dilbert says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells Alice, "It can do payroll, accounts receivable, inventory, sales . . ." Alice says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells the Boss, "And I'll throw in some golf balls." The Boss replies, "It's a deal! Just toss them in the lake with all my other ones."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #payroll problem, #wrong person, #speak with supervisor, #forward call

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, on the phone, says, "I'm trying to find someone who can help me with a payroll problem." A worker on the phone says, "You're close. I'm the guy who forwards your call to the wrong person." Dilbert says, "I'd like to speak with your supervisor." The voice on the other end of the line says, "I'll forward your call."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #an olympic gold medal, #apply own job, #emailed jokes, #fired, #posthumous medal, #reclassification of job, #requires phd, #synchronized swimming 1992, #top ten signs

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted asks, "Am I fired?" The Boss, sitting at his desk, answers, "Of course not, Ted. I enjoy e-mailed jokes as much as anyone." Ted smiles as The Boss says, "I'm still laughing about your 'Top Ten Signs That Your Boss Is a Hairless Rodent'." The Boss says, "I asked you here to discuss the reclassification of your job." The Boss says, "Starting today, the job requires a Ph.D. Feel free to apply for your own job." Ted says, "Whew! Luckily, I have a Ph.D." The Boss says, "You do? Well, the job also requires an Olympic Gold Medal." Holding up the medal around his neck, Ted says, "Synchronized Swimming, 1992." The Boss says, "And a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #documents, #emailed documents, #end users, #now work, #poor arting, #technical documents, #performance rating, #seventy hours, #open attachments

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Tina, I have to give you a performance rating of 'Poor' because you did no work this year." Tina exclaims, "No work?" Tina says, "I wrote hundreds of technical documents this year!" Tina continues to The Boss, "I worked seventy hours a week!" Tina continues, "I e-mailed every one of the documents to you..." Tina continues, "... With instructions to forward them with your approval to the end users." The Boss says, "That reminds me: I don't know how to open attachments." Tina says to Dilbert, "Why didn't you tell me you never got my documents?" Dilbert asks, "Who are you?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting system, #dysfunctional, #meaningless, #payroll exppenses, #zero, #management genius

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancel meetings, #manage email, #communicate, #wants everything emailed, #automated email

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, cancel all of my meetings forever." The Boss continues, "From now on, I plan to stay in my office and manage by e- mail." Carol responds, "You still need to communicate some things in person." The Boss replies, "No, I don't. I can do it all by e-mail." The Boss types, "Carol, e-mail me the budget." He hits "Send." The Boss sits back and thinks, "And now, like magic.." The computer alerts, "You have 1 message." The e-mail reads, "Auto-reply: Carol is out of the office." The Boss looks out and sees Carol at her desk. Carol waves. The Boss thinks, "We have a situation here."