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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my new poem?" Dogbert replies, "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare." Dilbert asks, "But what about MY poem?" Dogbert replies, "Three monkeys, ten minutes."
A woman walking down the sidewalk drops something. Dilbert bends over to pick it up and says, "Excuse me, miss!" The woman turns around and thinks, "Uh oh . . ." Dilbert says, "You dropped this little book titled 'Attractive Women's Secret Guide to Avoiding Dilbert.'" Dilbert says, "Wait a minute! I KNEW there had to be some kind of conspiracy!!" Dilbert opens the book and says, "If I can break this code, it will cripple their entire operation!" The woman shouts into a walkie talkie, "Mayday!!! Mayday!!!" Dilbert points at the woman and says, "Dogbert, sic!!!" Dogbert replies, "Sick? No, but my nose is a bit dry . . ."
Dilbert looks into a huge microscope and says, "My goodness! It looks like I've discovered an entire subatomic civilization!" A microscopic organism says, "Hey! What are you staring at?!!" Dilbert says, "I am Dilbert. I mean you no harm." The organism says, "You're looking at the incredibly tiny planet of 'Minimus 6.'" Dilbert asks, "Minimus 6? That means there are five other planets like yours!" Dilbert says, "Let me get you focused a bit better . . ." Dilbert crunches the sample. Dilbert sits on the front steps with his head in his hands. Dogbert says, "And I loved the part when you said, 'I mean you no harm.'"
Dilbert sits in his chair with Dogbert sitting on his legs. Dogbert says, ". . . Therefore, Curly must have been the smartest of all the Stooges." The telephone rings. Dilbert answers the phone and shouts, "I won WHAT?!!" Dilbert picks up Dogbert and cries, "I won the lottery! We're millionaires, Dogbert!!" Someone knocks on the door. Dilbert opens the door to a news reporter and a television camera. The reporter says, "Global News - may I interview you on your sudden wealth?" The reporter shoves a microphone in Dilbert's face and asks, "What would you like to say to the entire planet?" The caption says, "The wealth had come quickly . . ." Dilbert stammers, "Er . . . Um . . ." The caption says, "And just as quickly, it was gone." Dilbert says into the microphone, "Drinks for everybody!"
Dilbert tells Dogbert, "You know, many great men kept diaries." Dogbert says, "Not to mention the entire Kirk Cameron fan club." Dilbert sits at a desk and writes, "Monday: Woke up. Went to work. Came home. Ate. Watched tv and went to bed." Dilbert closes the diary and tells Dogbert, "Well, this was both therapeutic and satisfying." Dogbert says, "Sometimes it's good to bare your soul like that." Dilbert sits at the desk and writes, "Tuesday: See 'Monday.'" He thinks, "Who the heck is Kirk Cameron?"
Geraldo Rivera holds a microphone and says, "Today on 'Geraldo' our entire show is about a dog who started his own cult!" Dogbert says into the microphone, "Actually, Geraldo, I don't know what you're talking about." Geraldo faces the camera and smiles. Dogbert says, "I love live television."
Dilbert sits at a banquet table with three other people. The Boss stands at the podium and says, "Thank you all for coming to Irv Klepfurd's retirement celebration." The Boss continues, "Many of you know that Irv has been pilfering office supplies for his entire career." The Boss continues, "In fact, he's only retiring now because he finished construction on his garage made entirely of paper clips." The Boss continues, "This bill is for $87,000 of personal phone calls made from the office." The Boss continues, "Instead of a gold watch, I'm going to write the current time on this yellow sticky pad and slap it on his forehead." The Boss slaps Irv. The Boss continues, "Now . . . I understand we have some birthdays today . . ."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Boss, I have an idea." The Boss gasps. The Boss jumps up and says, "Quick! Close the blinds! I'll get the door!" The Boss shouts, "You fool! If anybody heard you, we're both dead!" The Boss continues, "Don't you realize that ideas are just targets for other power-hungry managers?!!" The Boss continues, "I've based my entire career on shooting down other people's ideas." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert picks it up and says, "The note says, 'We know you have an idea in there. Give it up.'" Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dogbert asks, "How was work?" Dilbert replies, "Same ol' same ol'."
Dilbert sits in a chair. Dogbert says, "I've written the entire Encyclopaedia Brittanica on this hair." Dogbert continues, "I'll open a museum and charge people to see it." Dilbert says, "It's kind of hard to prove you wrote all that on a hair." Dogbert points to a hair says, "I'll swear on this Bible."
The caption says, "When you're alone, you start thinking weird thoughts." Dilbert sits in his desk chair thinking, "Do bugs sweat?" The caption says, "The longer you're alone, the weirder it gets." Dilbert holds a pen in his palm and thinks, "I can levitate this pen with my mind." The caption says, "Don't stay alone too long." Dilbert sits in his house thinking, "How would it feel if I shaved my entire body."