Freaking Genius Comic Strips

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63 Results for Freaking Genius

View 1 - 10 results for freaking genius comic strips. Discover the best "Freaking Genius" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #bright, #fellow, #mensa, #genuis, #iq, #local, #chapter, #smart, #intelligence, #practical, #application

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A man with a large head says to Dilbert, "You seem like a bright fellow; have you considered joining Mensa?" Dilbert asks, "Is that the group with genius IQs?" The man replies, "Precisely correct. I'm president of the local chapter." Dilbert asks, "If we're so smart, why do we work here?" The man replies, "Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #genius, #iqs, #Dilbert, #network, #enhance, #career, #mensa, #expo

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dogbert asks, "You joined what?" Dilbert replies, "Mensa. It's a group of people with genius IQs." Dilbert continues, "I'm hoping it will be a good way to network and enhance my career." The garbage man says to Dilbert, "I heard you joined our Mensa group . . . I hope you can make it to the career expo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #genius, #humility, #Dogbert, #weasel, #compliments, #clever

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says from behind him, "I'm not really a genius." Dilbert asks, "Did you say something?" Dogbert replies, "I'm practicing my false humility." Dilbert asks, "Is this just a way to weasel more compliments out of people?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, I could never be THAT clever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #doctor, #patients, #turbocharged, #x-ray, #machine, #waiting, #room, #eyes, #diagnoses, #arrive, #mail, #stroke, #genius, #schedule, #hypochondriacs

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Dogbert, who is holding a stethoscope, says to a room full of people, "Attention, all patients!" Dogbert continues, "I have turbocharged the x-ray machine and aimed it at the waiting room. Everybody close your eyes for five minutes then leave. Your diagnoses will arrive by mail." Dogbert walks away saying, "It was a stroke of genius to schedule all of the hypochondriacs for the same day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob, #budget analyst, #delegate, #dinosaur, #engineers, #find dumber customers, #letter, #marketing genius, #new vp, #senior mangement, #wedgies

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Bob the dinosaur; gives wedgies to corporate people who deserve it. Budget analyst I don't understand any of our projects, I cut the ones with "E" In their names. BOB: What was that letter? analysts: EEEE! Engineers Wally: we doubled our costs, to add back up systems. Dilbert: You ant be too careful. Bob: two at once. In case one enjoys it. Wally: MMMM Marketing genius Market segmentation is the key. Dont improve the product just find dumber customers! Senior management BOB: These guys know how to delegate! You're the new VP of wedgies.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #person, #project, #headcount, #contract employee, #buy a computer, #over budget, #renting expensive, #Wally, #16 hour days, #boss thinks genius, #project cancelled

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Dilbert approaches the Boss and says, "We desperately need another person on my project!" The Boss replies, "We're already over headcount. Get a contract employee." Dilbert says, "Okay, but they cost twice as much." Dilbert says, "Plus we need to buy a computer." The Boss says, "Rent one. We're over our capital budget." Dilbert replies, "Renting is expensive. We'll go over our expense budget." The Boss says, "I'll fire Wally. That will free up some cash." Dilbert throws his arms up in frustration and says, "Wally's on my project!" Dilbert shouts, "Forget it! I'll just work sixteen hours a day!!" The Boss thinks, "That worked out perfectly. I think I might be a genius or something." The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I wonder if I should have told him the project was cancelled last week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tina, #tech writer, #first draft, #boring, #presence of genius

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The Boss hands Tina the Tech Writer a document and says, "Your first draft was boring, so I added a bunch of exclamation points." Tina reads the document and says, "Wow! Those exclamation points make this technical document come alive!" The Boss thinks, "This might be that sarcasm thing I keep hearing about." Tina hugs the document and cries, "I'm in the presence of genius! I beg you to father my children!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #call back, #one hour, #time zone

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Dilbert is walking by the Boss's office. He hears the Boss say, "I'll call you back in one hour, Irene." The Boss says, "You're in a different time zone, so you'll get the call in... um... three hours." Dilbert stops to listen. The Boss's eyes bug out in confusion and he says, "Really? You're three hours ahead? Then that means... whoa!.. you're freaking me out here!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unicornitis, #cell normalizer, #dna sample, #genius garbageman

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The Garbage man throws garbage into his truck. The garbage man sees Dilbert who is wearing a coat and has a unicorn horn growing out of his forehead. The Grabage Man says, "Looks like someone has a bad case of unicornitis." The Grabage Man says, "I've got a pre-horn sample of your DNA in the truck. I could fix you up with my cell normalizer." Dilbert says, "Why do you have my DNA in your truck?" The Garbage man wears goggles and holds a ray gun. The Grabage Man says, "It's for exactly this sort of situation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hired psychologust, #handle stress, #another engineer, #freaking quack, #outburst from alice

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At a meeting, the Boss tells the employees: "I hired a psychologist to help you handle stress." Alice says angrily: "We need another engineer not a freakin' quack!!" The Boss turns to the psychologist and asks him: "Is there a pill for that?" The psychologist replies: "I took it."