Inject Deadly Poison Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for inject deadly poison comic strips. Discover the best "Inject Deadly Poison" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #love, #marriage, #cure, #technology, #relationships

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Dilbert shouts, "Dogbert! Dogbert! Come here quickly!!" Dilbert says, "My computer simulation has discovered the chemical that causes LOVE!" Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert explains, "Apparently, it deactivates the parts of the brain responsible for critical thought and eating." Dogbert says, "Wow! You can inject people with that chemical and make them fall in love!" Dilbert says, "I was thinking more along the lines of a cure . . ." Dogbert replies, "Oh, like marriage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #general, #department, #government, #cover-ups, #u.f.o., #abduction, #story, #untraceable, #poison, #good, #value, #tax, #dollar, #breath, #mint

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Dilbert opens the door and sees a man in a military uniform. The general says, "I'm a General from the Department of Government Cover-ups." The man continues, "If you tell your U.F.O. abduction story to the press we'll slay you with untraceable poison." Dilbert says, "I don't think I'm getting a good value for my tax dollar here." The General asks, "Breath mint?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #45 inch screen, #communications staellite, #cure disease, #fish appear on screen, #great products, #marketing, #new product, #room freshener, #telepathic user, #whiten teeth, #time travel, #business

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How Great Products are designed The Boss: Go talk to marketing. Dilbert: Groan Dilbert: Dave, tell me what marketing wants the new product to do. Dave: It has to have a 45 inch screen and still fit in a purse or a wallet. Dave: It needs to act as a communications satellite as well as a room fresher. Dilbert: uh... Dave: it must cure deadly diseases and whoyten your teeth while you sleep! HAHA! and it has to be capable of time travel!! and have a telepathic user interface! Slap! Dilbert: I could write a program that makes fish appear on the computer screen, DAVE: yeah a lot of people want that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogberts tech support, #online data base, #compatible, #computer, #software, #red blotches, #poison ivy, #technology, #engineering

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DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk using a computer. He says into the phone, "According to my online database, our product isn't compatible with your computer." Dogbert continues, "It's also incompatible with all other computers and all other software including our own." Dogbert continues, "And those red blotches on your hands - that's because our box is made of poison ivy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #statement of core values, #change behavior, #planning to poiosn, #sarcasm, #necessary

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The Boss walks by Dilbert, who follows holding a piece of paper and says, "Can you explain how the company's new "Statement of Core Values" will change my behavior?" The Boss sits down at his desk. Dilbert continues, "I was planning to poison the town's water supply. But wait! It's against our core values!" The Boss says, "Is your sarcasm absolutely necessary?" Dilbert checks the document and says, "Let me check. Hmm... it's not addressed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #global communications, #de orbiting satellites, #swimming pools, #deadly flame balls, #speeding toward earth

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Pointing to a picture the Boss says, "We'll be shutting down our global comunications business and de-orbiting our satellites." Dilbert raises his hand and says to the Boss, "Question: Wouldn't that create dozens of deadly flame balls speeding toward earth?" The Boss replies, "That's why we're aiming for cities that have lots of swimming pools."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company identified, #deadly falling satelites, #investigative reporter, #plan worked, #falling satellites, #hit target, #boss thought plnned

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The Boss sits at home watching the evening news on television. "Our investigtive reporter has identified the company behind the deadly falling satellites." The television sounds: "Whump!" The next day at the office, the Boss says to Dilbert "Your plan worked." Dilbert replies, "What plan?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #face for wrinkles, #face is killing me, #inject deadly poison, #botox, #dermal fillers, #botchulism

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A female coworker approaches and asks, "Do you think I should inject a deadly poison in my face to hide wrinkles?" Dilbert responds, "It's only fair that you poison your face, because your face is killing me. Hee Hee Hee!" The coworker says, "The correct answer is 'You don't need to.'" Dilbert replies, "Was your mother a shar-pei?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weather, #close offcie, #forecast for blizzards, #freezing rain, #tsunamis, #deadly lave flows, #precision-guided ball laightening, #swims of killer bees, #snow tires

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"The weather is getting worse. Maybe we should close the office." "No." "The forecast is blizzards, freezing rain, tsunamis, deadly lava flows, and precision-guided ball lightning." "And radiation enlarged swarms of killer bees." "Get some snow tires, you big baby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadly safety flaw, #stock plunge, #massive layoffs, #ruined career, #dead customers, #hardest

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Asok: "Wally, I discovered a deadly safety flaw in our product. Who should I inform?" Wally: "No one. The stock would plunge and we'd have massive layoffs. Your career would be ruined." Asok: "But my negligence could cause the deaths of a dozen customers." Wally: "The first dozen is always the hardest."