Leaders Do Comic Strips
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A woman sits on the floor across from Dogbert's desk. The woman says, "I'm hoping you will accept me in the Dogbert Cult." Dogbert says, "You do have a strong resume . . ." Dogbert continues, "Looks like you've been fleeced by several spiritual leaders already." The woman says, "I think that demonstrates a complete absence of independent thought." Dogbert asks, "Can you chant?"
Dilbert stands in front of the mailbox. Dilbert reads a letter and says, "Yes! I've been chosen for the next space shuttle mission!!" Dogbert asks, "Why you?" Dilbert replies, "They're probably assembling leaders from different fields." At NASA, a scientist points to a diagram and says, "In our next flight, we will study the effects of weightlessness on nerds . . ."
A television news reporter says into her microphone, "The leaders of the world met today to consider the demands of Dogbert the Space Alien." At the United Nations, a world leader says, "All in favor of letting the alien run the world raise your hand." The caption says, "Meanwhile in the translators' booth, a reckless prank is being played." Three translators with headsets sit at a table. One translator says, "He says, 'Who wants my parking space by the elevator?'"
Dilbert: Did you remember what the steering committee decided about my project? The Boss: Nope You'd better calla meeting with all the department heads, Their orders will override the steering committee and make it a moot point, Dilbert: It will take months to get on all of their calendars. The boss: And don't invite yourself. Its for leaders only.
Dogbert points to a sign that says, "Dogbert explains leadership." Dogbert points to a man who is wearing an untucked shirt and staring blankly ahead. Dogbert says, "Leaders start their careers as morons." The caption says, "They are drawn to meetings like moths to a porch light. The moron walks toward a conference room. Dogbert points to a diagram of a human body. He says, "The successful moron will have a very high bladder-to-brain ratio." The caption says, "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." Dilbert sits at a conference table with the moron and another man. The moron says, "Let's do it my way!" The other man says, "Okay!" The caption says, "These qualities are perceived as leadership." The moron pours coffee on himself. The Boss tells the moron, "You're promoted!" The caption says, "After several promotions their job tends to match their talents." The moron tells Dilbert, "I award you this award." Dogbert says, "Conclusion: leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."
Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and another worker sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, the managers at my level will be called 'thought leaders.'" Dilbert and Wally stare at him in amazement. Dilbert asks Wally, "What's wrong with this picture?" The Boss's thoughts are shown to be empty.
Bob the Dinosaur looking at Dogbert, who is wearing a crown and staring at himself in a mirror. Bob inquires, "What's the crown for?" Dogbert turns around and answers, "There aren't any charismatic leaders in the world lately. I'm going to fill the void." Bob asks, "Don't charismatic leaders usually turn out to be egomaniacal, philandering sociopaths?" Dogbert looks into the mirror and replies, "And they look good in hats!"
Dogbert sitting on a chair with a crown on his head while Garbage Man holds garbage bag. Dogbert asks, "Why are there no charismatic leaders anymore?" Garbage Man responds, "Cable TV." While placing garbage in dump truck, Garbage Man says, "Scandal is the most economical way to fill news programs. They'll go after you, too." Dogbert says, "I'll need a diversion." Dogbert and Dilbert on couch. Dilbert says, "I don't care if its a great news atory; I will NOT take fertility drugs!" Dogbert says, "They're in your coffee."
In an alien space craft, two aliens converse with one another. One is dressed as The Boss and holds a 'The Boss' mask. The Boss is in a containment unit. The Boss alien says, "I think the earthlings are getting suspicious." As The Boss alien puts his mask on, the other alien replies, "Keep acting competent and caring. Our prisoner says that's how leaders act on their world." Back in the office, Carol sits at her computer terminal while The Boss says, "Carol, let me do the org chart on my PC. You have too much work already." Carol yelps, "AAAGH!"
Dilbert and Dogbert are eating breakfast. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should become a teacher so I can educate the leaders of tomorrow." Dogbert responds, "Maybe you should educate the morons of tomorrow so they'll stop believing the leaders of tomorrow." Dilbert replies, "Maybe I'll just eat this donut and go to work." Dogbert asks, "Do you have more dreams I can crush?"