Least Expensive Vendor Comic Strips
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Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "Oh no . . . If this guy turns left when I go right, we'll end up walking down the hall right next to each other." The man turns and walks next to Dilbert. Dilbert thinks, "I hate this . . . A huge, empty hallway and here we are synchronized like two of the Rockettes." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . So that's when I knocked on the ladies' room door, yelled 'janitor' and ducked inside." Dogbert says, "At least you maintained your dignity."
Dogbert sits on a pillow by the fireplace. Dilbert says, "I'll be back late. I have a date with Sharon to grout her bathtub." Dogbert asks, "You call that a date?" Dogbert says, "Last week you cleaned her rain gutters and painted her house . . . The week before, you installed her sprinkler system and rebuilt her car's engine." Dogbert asks, "Don't you think she might be using you?" Dilbert replies, "Well . . . At least I get lunch out of the deal." Dogbert asks, "She actually prepares food for you?" Dilbert carries a bag and a tool box. He replies, "No, bag lunch. I get to eat it during break."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table playing Scrabble. As Dogbert arranges his letters on the game board, Dilbert asks, "What the heck is 'jequirity?'" Dogbert replies, "You know - the poisonous, red and black seed of the Indian Licorice plant. Want to challenge?" Dilbert replies, "No. At least this one has vowels." Dogbert says, "That's 704 for me."
Dawn the Dinosaur points to Dilbert and says to Bob the Dinosaur, "You heard me, Robert. Eat him right this minute!" Bob says, "But . . . but." Dawn crosses her arms and says, "You call yourself a carnivore? Well, at least smite him with your mighty tail!" Bob looks sheepish. Dawn says to Dilbert, "And THIS will teach you not to mess with dinosaurs!" Bob rubs his tail and says, "Cramp . . ."
Dogbert stands in the door of Dilbert's bedroom. Dilbert sits up in bed as Dogbert says, "I'm having nightmares, move over." Dilbert lets Dogbert climb into bed and says, "Just don't hog all the covers." Dilbert stands next to the bed and says, "At least give me my pajama top . . ." All of the covers, sheets and pillows are wrapped around Dogbert who says, "Shhh . . ."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Helen just canceled our date." Dogbert asks, "What excuse this time?" Dilbert sits on the hassock with Dogbert and answers, "Apparently she discovered tiny frozen cavemen in her ice cube trays and she's trying to revive them for science." Dogbert asks, "Are you the least bit suspicious of that story?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . . How do I know they aren't just pretending to be cavemen?"
Dilbert jogs through the park wearing a sweat suit and sneakers. Dogbert sits in the chair. He asks, "How was your run?" Dilbert replies, "Great . . . I feel awful." Dogbert says, "Pardon a simple dog for asking, but why do you run if it feels awful?" Dilbert answers, "Well, if I do it every day, I'll live a longer life." Dogbert says, "So, life will feel awful, but at least it will last a long time." Dilbert says, "Unless I get hit by a truck . . ."
Dogbert approaches a little girl, holds out a microphone and says, "Just a minute little girl. I'm Dogbert, the ambush reporter." Dogbert says, "Is it true that you PRETEND to be cute in order to MANIPULATE adults!!" The girl starts sniffing and crying. Dogbert says, "Oh, hey, wait . . . I'm just kidding. Can I buy you something expensive?"
Dilbert sits at his desk holding a device that looks like a gun. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "This could be my most important technical achievement yet. I'll call it the 'Sonic Obliterator.' Hmm . . . Catchy." Dilbert explains, "This baby can blast a buffalo into random particles in about half a nanosecond." Dilbert continues, "Of course, it might have limited application around the house." Dogbert says, "At least the buffalos will show us some respect."
A man says to his wife, ". . . We should at least interview him. Nobody else even answered our ad for a babysitter." The woman says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Frankly, Bob, we're concerned that you might try to eat the children." Bob replies, "Well, of course, in that case there would be no charge for the evening." The husband says, "He's more than fair."