Lose Comic Strips
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Dilbert and three people sit at a conference table. A man asks, "Well, Dilbert, will our idea work from a technical perspective?" Dilbert thinks, "I wasn't listening . . . Now I'll have to babble about irrelevant technical things until they lose consciousness." The people are all asleep. Dilbert says, "And in conclusion, never underestimate the power of technology."
Dilbert stands in front of the bathroom mirror combing his hair. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I think I'm losing my hair." Dogbert replies, "Don't be silly. You aren't losing your hair." Dilbert says, "I'm not? Oh, good." Dogbert points to the floor and says, "How could you possibly lose these huge clumps . . ."
Dilbert looks at his shirt sleeve and thinks, "Loose thread." Dilbert grabs the thread and thinks, "I can't remember if it's better to cut these or just yank on them." Dilbert yanks the thread and his head collapses into his shirt.
The caption says, "What if people had tails? First of all, it would look darned silly." A tail protrudes from Dilbert's pants. The caption says, "Only the truly unobservant would lose at poker." Dilbert sits at a table playing poker with a man. Dilbert thinks, "He's bluffing." The man's tail wags. He thinks, "Control . . . Don't wag . . ." The caption says, "Jury trials would be simpler." A woman sits in the witness stand and says, ". . . Then I found my husband dead." The judge and a lawyer stare at her wagging tail. The caption says, "And parties would be even more awkward." Dilbert talks to a man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. The man says, "That's when I learned that if you drive a Porsche, you should never make fun of a man on a steamroller." Dilbert's tail wags as he replies, "Tragic . . . Really."
Dilbert floats in mid-air with a propeller attached to his back. He says into the phone, "Hello, ABC News? I've discovered an anti-gravity formula." Dilbert continues, "What?! It's not newsworthy?!" Dogbert says, "Tell him it lets you lose weight without exercising." Dilbert covers the telephone receiver and asks, "Isn't that misleading and unethical?" Dogbert replies, "There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft."
Dilbert stands by himself with a cocktail glass in his hand. He thinks, "I feel so awkward at these office parties . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I've already walked back and forth to the hors d'oeuvres six times." Dilbert thinks, "I'll stand close to these two and hope they include me." The man and woman turn their backs to Dilbert. He thinks, "It's not working." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody who is alone." Dilbert thinks, "Hmm . . . All the people standing alone look like losers." Dilbert thinks, "I'll just say something . . . What have I got to lose?" He says to the Boss, "Hi." Dilbert says, "I'm Dilbert. Waht do you do for a living?" The Boss replies, "I'm your boss, idiot."
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone and saying, "Swing your partner, dosey-do. Now clap your hands . . ." On the dance floor, people are square dancing. Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know . . . I'll bluff the rest." Dogbert says, "Slap your partner in the face, / Write bad checks all over the place, / Flirt with strangers, annoy your spouse, / Get a divorce and lose your house . . . Uh . . . dosey-do."
Dogbert and a man in a military uniform sit at the table. Dogbert says, "General, I don't understand why the government is trying to cover up all the U.F.O. encounters." The General replies, "People would lose faith in their government if they knew aliens were abducting people and we were helpless to stop them." Dogbert says, "So, to maintain confidence in the government, you use our taxes to kill the citizens who find out?" The General asks, "Is that so bad?"
Dilbert sees a sign that says, "Free therapy." Dilbert asks a woman at a desk, "Why is it free?" The woman replies, "Our therapists are first year psychology students." Dilbert says, "What have I got to lose?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Sometimes I have low self-esteem . . ." A student sits in a chair taking notes. The man says, "Your problem is that you're ugly. You should drink beer until you feel handsome." Dilbert says, "I thought you would say something about my mother." The man replies, "Good point. Your mother should drink beer too. She's probably as ugly as you." Dilbert walks by the reception desk and says, "You're over-priced." The woman replies, "Ooh, 'Mister Low Self-Esteem' is unhappy."
"This item will require your usual executive-style decision." "You know: keep it on your desk for three weeks, then sneak it back to my cubicle with an illegible question scrawled in the margin." "Or, for your convenience, I have made no copies; so you can lose the original and claim you gave it back to me." "Hmm"