Machines Comic Strips

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18 Results for Machines

View 1 - 10 results for machines comic strips. Discover the best "Machines" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #ethel, #hand, #combat, #serious, #automated, #teller, #machine, #encouraging

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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I cannot allow this withdrawal . . ." The woman continues, "Unless you defeat me in hand to hand combat." Dilbert arrives at home with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "They seem pretty serious about encouraging the use of their automated teller machines."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1991's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #department, #machines, #filled, #bird, #bobs, #head, #three, #birds, #job

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I've decided to replace your department with machines." The Boss points to a toy on the desk and says, "Your job will be filled by this little bird that bobs his head up and down." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then I said 'Ha! It would take at least THREE of those birds to do MY job!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #school, #technology, #imbeciles, #automatic, #bank, #machines, #microwave, #ovens, #video, #recorders, #cd players, #vcr

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open a school for people who are technology imbeciles." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach people how to use automatic bank machines, microwave ovens, video recorders, CD players, that sort of thing . . ." Dogbert sits at a desk labeled "Imbecile Admissions." A little boy holds his father's hand and says, "I thought he was reasonably bright until we got the VCR . . ." Dogbert replies, "They can fool you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 1997's comic on:


Tags #training course, #night, #won't miss work, #immortal abuse, #mutual investment, #fist of death, #vending machines

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The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "I'm sending you to a training course that runs at night so you won't miss any work." The Boss continues, "It might seem like an immoral abuse of my power, but I like to call it 'a mutual investment in your career.'" Alice clenches her teeth and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." The Boss says, "And they have vending machines if you get hungry!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #editable wax fruit, #live at desk, #no social life, #social activity, #vending machine food, #marketing network

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During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #make exceptions, #created on seeing machines, #dead dinosaurs, #animal prodcuts, #naked, #electricity from oil

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Mike the Vegan. Mike: I use no animal products whatsoever! Dilbert: Your clothes were created on sewing machines that used electricity from coal and oil, and those come from dead dinosaurs. Mike: I need to start making exceptions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2006's comic on:


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You work in a cubicle while your routers and servers have a private office with their own climate control. "The machines have taken over. Your job is to provide them with electricity." "And do you think those electronic voting machines care about your opinion?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #yelling, #angry, #future

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Asok the intern says, "Your generation is leaving my generation a dying planet and a crippling debt." Wally says, "Hee Hee!" Asok the intern says, "But we shall invent life-extending drugs so you will suffer along with us! Ha!" News Wally says, "Uh-oh." Asok the intern says, "We will connect you to machines and keep you alive until the poor demand to eat you." Wally says, "Well played."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #hospital, #ductwork, #shot out, #survived, #alive, #pointy hair, #cushion, #cool machines, #bed, #play, #fiddle, #disrupt, #medical

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Doctor says, "He survived because his pointy hair cushioned the impact." Doctor says, "Please resist the urge to fiddle with the cool machines that keep him alive." Alice says, "Maybe we can make him smarter." Wally says, "What's this do?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #computer, #work, #progress, #software, #annoyed, #grit teeth, #drink coffee, #inspiration, #machine, #technology, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."