Ordered To Lie Comic Strips

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141 Results for Ordered To Lie

View 1 - 10 results for ordered to lie comic strips. Discover the best "Ordered To Lie" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #bear, #Dilbert, #sales, #seven times

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. The doorbell rings. Dilbert opens the door and a bear says, "Hi. I'm the bear skin rug you ordered by mail." The bear enters the house and says, "I'm a kit. You just have to kill me, rip my guts out and leave me to dry." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "Egad! I couldn't possibly do that. Please . . . Just go." The bear says, "You'll receive a full refund, of course." Dilbert says, "No, no! Please keep it." The bear, who is really a man in a bear suit, walks into the rug store. A man at a desk asks, "How were sales today?" The man in the suit replies, "Great! Sold myself seven times."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dawn, #bob, #dinosaurs, #cult, #trucks, #questioning

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs asks, "Uh . . . Dilbert, could we get your advice?" Bob says, "We just joined Dogbert's new cult." Dawn says, "And he ordered us to kill each other for questioning him." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Maybe you could just shove each other in front of trucks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 1991's comic on:


Tags #bob, #dinosaur, #Dilbert, #politicians, #elected, #political issues, #electoral college, #truth, #vote, #opposite

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Dogbert sits on the hassock. Bob the Dinosaur enters the room and says, "Question . . ." Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Bob asks, "Why do politicians lie?" Dogbert replies, "To get elected." Bob asks, "Oh, because people believe them?" Dogbert replies, "No, nobody believes them." Bob asks, "Why do they keep lying if nobody believes them?" Dogbert replies, "People wouldn't vote for them if they told the truth." Bob asks, "Okay, so people like lies and dislike the truth?" Dogbert replies, "No, just the opposite." Bob screams and runs away. Dogbert thinks, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hook, #vcr, #instructions, #connect, #cables, #electrical, #engineer

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Dilbert says, "Come help me hook up my new VCR, Dogbert." Dilbert kneels next to the television and says, "You read the instructions and I'll connect the cables." Dogbert reads, "'Connect the 300 Ohm twin-lead flat cable to the 75 Ohm RF2 jack.'" Dilbert looks confused. Dogbert continues to read, "'Or use the optional 75 Ohm co-axial cable with the F type connector.'" Dilbert thinks, "Good Lord, I'm an electrical engineer and I don't understand any of this." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to lie to the other engineers and say I don't WANT to record tv shows." Dogbert reads, "'Now, strip naked, cover your body with motor oil and run through town yelling walla-walla-walla.'" Dilbert says, "Let me see that." Dogbert reads, "'Step six: Do not doubt the nice dog.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #mystery, #movie, #surprised, #ending, #life, #tootsie, #hundred, #times, #strangers, #clearly

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Dilbert stands in line at a video store. The man in front of him hands a video tape to the sales clerk and says, "I'll take this one." The clerk asks, "Why would anybody BUY a mystery movie?!" The clerk asks, "What do you do, watch it a hundred times and act surprised at the ending?" She hands the video back to the customer and says, "Get a life." Dilbert hands his selection to the clerk and says, "I'll take this one." The clerk says, "Tootsie?! You want to OWN a movie about a man who wears dresses?!" Dilbert says, "What?! I thought it was a documentary about Tootsie Rolls. You should label those things more clearly!" Dilbert sits in his chair holding a copy of Rambo. He asks Dogbert, "Is it a sin to lie to strangers?" Dogbert replies, "The way you do it, yes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #meeting, #copy, #agenda, #wrong, #awkward, #leave, #casually, #problem, #economy, #deeper, #interest, #rates, #cover, #dark

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Dilbert enters a conference room and asks, "Is this the meeting?" People at the table mumble a response. Dilbert says, "Good." A man says, "Everybody take a copy of the agenda." Dilbert reads the agenda and thinks, "I'm in the wrong meeting . . . Now it's too awkward to leave." Dilbert thinks, "I'll casually stretch my arms, flick the lights off and escape under cover of dark." Dilbert turns the light off. Several people say, "Ouch!" Five people lie on top of each other in the doorway. The man says, "Oh, sorry, wrong agenda." Dilbert arrives at home wearing tattered clothing. He tells Dogbert, "I'm starting to think that the problem with our economy is deeper than high interest rates."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #lie, #detector, #flushed, #goldfish, #abe lincoln, #president, #mistakes

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Dogbert attaches wires to Dogbert's paws and head and says, "This lie detector will determine if you flushed my goldfish." Dilbert asks, "Name?" Dogbert answers, "Abe Lincoln." Dilbert asks, "Occupation?" Dogbert answers, "President." Dilbert asks, "Did you kill my fish?" Dogbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "Lie detectors never make mistakes, do they?" Dilbert looks at the printout and says, "Uh . . . No, Mister President."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #big, #ed, #hulking, #backwards, #waving, #arms, #people, #refer, #debris

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Look out! Big Ed is hulking backwards waving his arms again!" Big Ed bumps into Wally and Dilbert and they spill their coffee on themselves. Wally and Dilbert lie on the floor with their legs in the air. Dilbert says, "Big people can be so annoying." Wally replies, "I just wish he wouldn't refer to us as debris."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #alice, #Environment, #ordered, #ink, #removed, #copiers, #printers, #pens, #research, #squids, #elmer's, #glue, #cows

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The Boss tells Dilbert and a woman, "To protect our environment, I've ordered that ink be removed from all copiers, printers and pens." The Boss continues, "Research shows that many squids can be spared by reducing our ink usage." Dilbert replies, "I don't think we get our ink from squids, sir." The Boss says, "Oh, right . . . Next you'll say we don't get our 'Elmer's' from cows."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #Wally, #conquered, #earth, #coincidence, #picture, #brassieres, #change

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Wally and Dilbert hold Dogbert signs and are wearing brassieres. Wally says, "You have to admit it - since Dogbert conquered the earth we've had no wars and the economy improved." Dilbert replies, "It could be a coincidence. All he's ordered so far is that we carry his picture and wear brassieres." Wally says, "I think you're afraid of change." Dilbert says, "Oh yeah? Well, I don't think you're a 'D' cup."