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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #secretary, #temporarily, #paid, #performing, #duties, #author, #jazz, #pianist, #thespian, #psychology, #gourmet chef

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Dilbert stands in front of a man's desk and says, "Hi. You must be the new secretary." The man replies, "Well, yes and no . . ." The man explains, "Granted, I'm temporarily being paid for performing secretary-like duties. But I'm really an author, a jazz pianist and a thespian. I have a Ph.D. in Psychology." Dilbert says, "Sounds like a little crisis with the ol' self-image." The man adds, "And a gourmet chef . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #rex, #dinosaurs, #behavior, #congress, #laws, #president, #balance, #power

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Rex: Dogbert, what's the congress? Dogbert: They make laws, Rex. Rex: Then what does the president do? Dogbert: He vetoes the laws. It's called balance of power. Rex: I guess they don't get paid much for doing that. Dogbert: Here's the confusing part...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #lecture, #series, #guilt, #cope, #paid

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Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. Dogbert says to the audience, "Welcome to the Dogbert Lecture Series on guilt." Dogbert continues, "In the next hour, you will learn how to cope with guilt the Dogbert way." Dogbert continues, "And if you don't, well, it turns out I get paid anyway."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 1991's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #Dilbert, #the boss, #alice, #announcing, #staff, #reduction, #expenses, #paid, #year, #risky, #cut

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The Boss says to Dilbert and a woman, "Our CEO is announcing a ten-percent staff reduction to cut expenses." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't our CEO get paid twenty million dollars this year?" The Boss replies, "Yes . . ." The Boss continues, "But risky jobs deserve higher pay." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't you say WE were getting cut?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #guide, #movie, #advertising, #thumbs, #nominated, #academy, #award, #stallone, #funniest, #masterpledge, #source, #farm

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The panel is titled, "Dogbert's Guide to Movie Advertisements." Dogbert says, "Trust me." The advertisement says, "'Thumbs up.' -Gene Siskel." Dogbert says, "Meaning: Roger Ebert hates it." The advertisement says, "'Nominated for an Academy Award.'" Dogbert says, "Notice they don't say for what -- probably 'Best Gaffer.'" The advertisement says, "'Funniest movie of the year.'" Dogbert says, "He saw it in mid-January." The advertisement says, "Four stars . . . A masterpiece!'" Dogbert says, "The movie studio only paid off one critic. Must be a low-budget film." The advertisement says, "'Powerful performances.'" Dogbert says, "It's a downer. Somebody probably gets a disease and loses the farm." The advertisement says, "'I loved it!' -Floyd Belcher, Nosehair Magazine." Dogbert says, "Remember to consider the source." The advertisement says, "Stallone's funniest movie yet." Dogbert says, "I think you get the hang of it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #newspaper, #employee, #bureaucracy, #fifties, #paid, #forgotten, #perfect, #job

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Dilbert says to a man sitting at a desk behind piles of paper, "Hi . . . Are you new here? I've never seen you before." The man says, "I'm the lost employee . . . I've been hiding in the bureaucracy since the fifties . . . Paid but forgotten." Dilbert thinks, "Wouldn't THAT be the perfect job . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #common sense, #school, #tuition, #leverage, #paid, #alice, #tipping

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Dogbert says to a classroom full of people at desks, "Welcome to Dogbert's School of Common Sense." Dogbert continues, "I've asked you to pay tuition in advance; that way if you're unsatisfied with the school, you'll have the added negotiation leverage of having already paid." As the students hand Dogbert money he says, "And thanks, Alice, for asking if tipping is customary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #minutes, #paid, #ripping, #evil, #corporate, #empire, #power, #secret, #myself, #nothing

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Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Hey, I haven't done a thing for minutes and yet I still get paid." Dilbert clenches his fists and thinks, "Hoo-hoo-ha! I'm ripping off the evil corporate empire and there's nothing they can do about it! I have total power!" Dilbert thinks, "I'd better keep this little secret to myself." Another employee sits in his cubicle thinking, "Hey, I'm getting paid for doing nothing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #Dogbert, #talking, #lab, #cow, #egg, #industry, #discredit, #vegetarian, #movement, #paid, #meat, #healthy, #rat, #ironically, #chokes, #death, #carrot

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Ratbert and Dogbert walk toward each other on the sidewalk. Ratbert says, "Hey, Dogbert, everybody is talking about you at the lab." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Ratbert says, "The 'cow and egg' industry is going to discredit your vegetarian movement. They paid us to prove meat is healthy." Dogbert says, "What's your role?" Ratbert replies, "I play the rat who ironically chokes to death on a carrot during the news conference." Dogbert replies, "Great . . . I'll have to see that on CNN about a jillion times."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #alice, #table, #introduce, #afraid, #forget, #integrated, #work, #remember, #drawing, #norwegian

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I see some new faces. Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves." Dilbert thinks, "I hate this. I'm always afraid I'll forget my name when the pressure is on me." The man next to Dilbert says, ". . . And I've been in the Integrated Design District for four years." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "People are saying where they work. I can't remember the name of my district." The man concludes, ". . . And there you have it! Ha ha!" Dilbert thinks, "Aaagh! Now they're adding witty comments." Dilbert thinks, "I'm drawing a blank. My only chance is to pretend I only speak Norwegian." Dilbert says, "Norna borna corna dorna fiord cajorda. Ha ha ha!" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "The amazing thing is that I get paid the same no matter what I do." Dogbert replies, "Thank God for that."