Planned Merger Comic Strips

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63 Results for Planned Merger

View 1 - 10 results for planned merger comic strips. Discover the best "Planned Merger" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #fate, #steal, #dilberts, #hover-saucer, #conquer, #tiny, #nation, #elbonia, #knock, #unfriendly, #merger, #opportunity

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Dogbert sits on his pillow. There is a knock at the door. Dogbert opens the door and an old man with a staff and a hat with an "F" on it stands on the doorstep. The man says, "Dogbert, I am 'Fate.' You must steal Dilbert's hover-saucer and conquer the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dogbert asks, "Since when does Fate knock?" The man replies, "I was bought out in an unfriendly merger by 'Opportunity.' I should have seen it coming."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug

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The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #good inertia, #marketing department, #project, #under funded, #uniformed decision, #take blame

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The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #urgent message, #disregard, #healthy compnay, #herd stampedes, #resume, #voicemail

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle holding the phone. The voice on the phone says, "To hear your urgent voice mail message press one . . . " A voice on the phone says, "This urgent message is to all employees. Please disregard the rumors of a merger with a healthy company." Dilbert looks out of his cubicle and sees co-workers running in every direction. One man yells, "Resume!" Another cries, "Where's my interview suit??!!" Dilbert thinks, "Now spooked, the herd stampedes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #manager ted, #planned better, #pushed down stairs, #soul left body, #evil entity, #performance reviews

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The Boss pokes his head into Ted's office and asks, "How do you like being a manager, Ted?" Ted replies, "Yesterday my staff pushed me down ten flights of stairs. My soul left my body and now I'm a lifeless evil entity." The Boss says, "Just in time to do performance reviews!" Ted responds, "I couldn't have planned it better."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dazzling demo, #dark angel demos, #demo, #sham, #doomed, #file server, #worst is over

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Dilbert says to the new VP, "We planned a dazzling demo for you, but as you can see we're being visited by the dark angel of demos." From inside the monitor Phil says, "The demo is a sham. Their project is doomed. Cut their funding before your name is associated with it." The Boss and the new VP look shocked. Dilbert thinks, "The worst is over." Phil continues, "Look at some of the pictures the 'boys' store on the file server."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #after merger, #reduce staff, #redundant, #employees, #evaluated, #buying company, #bald guy, #steal office furniture, #business

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Alice, Wally, Dilbert and a man from the buying company sit at a conference table. The man says, "After the merger, we'll reduce staff in areas that are redundant." Wally says, "I hope the employees of this company will be evaluated fairly compared to those in the buying company." The man says, "We already have a bald guy." Dilbert asks, "Does your steal office furniture, too?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #inert, #leadership, #morale boosting, #next phase, #pending merger, #praised with fear, #rigor mortis, #unmotivated

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Dilbert stands with his arms extended and says to the Boss, "I'm paralyzed with fear because of the pending merger." Dilbert continues, "Thanks to your leadership I've gone from being unmotivated to being inert." Dilbert says, "I think I'm advancing to the next phase. Hello, rigor mortis!! Take me, I'm ready!!" The Boss walks away thinking, "It might be time for a morale-boosting potluck lunch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #access, #due dilogence, #information, #maniacal laughter, #merger, #phase, #proprietary

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The Boss sits across from two men from the buying company who are sitting on a couch. One man says, "In the 'due diligence' phase of our merger you will give us access to all of your proprietary information." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that let you know how to crush us competitively? Couldn't you cancel the merger and take our customers without paying a cent?" As the two men struggle to control themselves, they think, "Must . . . contain maniacal . . . laugh . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #class action law suit, #due diligence, #good employees, #merger, #projects are doomed, #secrets, #worth something

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The caption says, "'Due diligence' before the merger." Alice sits at a table with a man who says, "You must reveal your secrets so my company knows what it's buying." Alice points to some documents in a binder and says, "All of our projects are doomed. Most of the good employees left. Our customers are starting a class action suit . . ." The man says, "At least the building is worth something." Alice points to her throat and says, "If you feel a tickle, that's asbestos."