Platonic Friends Comic Strips
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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I've decided to make some dog friends, but I don't even know what other dogs do when they get together." Dilbert replies, "Well, I suppose they would bark like idiots, run around in circles, and sniff every part of your body." Dogbert says, "I guess 'Scrabble' is out of the question."
Dilbert sits in his chair and says, "Don't think of it as fetching, think of it as doing a favor for your best friend." As he leaves the room, Dogbert says, "It's still pretty degrading." Dogbert lifts up the bed covers and finds Dilbert's slippers. He thinks, "Grumble, grumble, grumble . . ." Dogbert says, "Uh oh! It looks like Mr. Hedge Clippers wants to speak to Mr. Slippers!" Dogbert hands Dilbert his shreaded slippers. Dogbert says, "Will you be needing your bathrobe too, O Great Master?"
The caption says, "Dogbert demonstrates the art of puns. Step #1: 'The Set-up.'" Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "Tell me again about your uncle the famous biologist." Dilbert says, "Uncle Albert won many awards for his work in breeding sea anemonies. Sadly, he had little time for a social life." The caption says, "Step #2: 'The Delivery' (from outside of swatting range)." Dogbert stands in the doorway and says, "With anemonies like that, who needs friends?"
The telephone rings. Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello." The voice on the other end says, "This is the governor . . ." The governor says, "Do you remember that snotty letter you wrote about prison overcrowding? We thought YOU might want to look after one of our guys for thiry or forty years." The doorbell rings. A large man in a prison uniform says, "Hi. I'm Bob. My friends would call me 'Strangler' if they were alive." Bob carries a suitcase into the house and asks, "So, where do you keep the blunt objects? Sure is crowded in here." Dilbert clenches his fist and says, "Ooh! I am so tempted to fire off another letter over this!!" Dogbert says, "Yeah! 'Postage due' this time!"
The caption says, "A friend is somebody who will not think less of you for singing the 'ooh-ooh!' part of a song on the radio." Dilbert and Dogbert ride in the car listening to the radio. Dilbert sings, "Oooh-oooh!!" The caption says, "Of course, friends will also feel free to express their musical opinions." Dilbert lies in a ditch as the car speeds off.
Dilbert stands in front of a woman's desk. The woman says, "Well . . . I would date you . . ." The woman continues, "But frankly I think of you as a boring and unattractive blob of organic matter . . ." The woman concludes, "So let's just be friends."
Dilbert walks down the sidewalk and sees a sign on a building that says, "Free Hypnosis Lessons!" Dilbert thinks, "Hmm . . ." Dilbert thinks, "There's probably some catch, but it's worth a look." Dilbert walks away from the building wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and holding his arms out in front of him. Dilbert says, ". . . A wonderful class . . . I must tell my friends."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch looking through a photo album. Dilbert says, "Here's a picture of my uncle just before he was drafted. He was awarded eleven purple hearts." Dogbert asks, "He was wounded eleven times?!" Dilbert replies, "Uncle William insisted that his friends call him 'Will' . . ." Three soldiers kneel in a trench. A commanding officer yells, "Okay, men, fire at will!!" and the other soldiers look at Will.
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Heather, there's something I must tell you." Heather says, "Stop . . . Stop right there. I know what you're going to say." Heather continues, "Although it's our first date, you find yourself very attracted to me." Heather continues, "You are stunned by my grace and beauty, and you hope we can be more than friends." Heather continues, "Let me set you straight, Dilbert: this is a pity date. My standards are too high for you." Dilbert says, "Actually, I just wanted to tell you that your dress was tucked into the back of your pantyhose all night." Heather looks shocked. Back at home, Dogbert asks, "How was your date?" Dilbert replies, "Man, it doesn't get any better than that!"
Dilbert says to Judy, "To be honest, Judy, I wouldn't have agreed to this blind date . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . If I had known you were a woman trapped in a dog's body." Judy, a dog in a dress, looks sad. Judy says, "Oh, right, and this is the part where you say 'Let's be friends, but maybe I could pet you sometimes.'"