Prepare Proposal Comic Strips
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47 Results for Prepare Proposal
View 1 - 10 results for prepare proposal comic strips. Discover the best "Prepare Proposal" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 09,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #static, #electricity, #building, #thor, #dog, #thunder, #call
Transcript
Dogbert shuffles down the hallway thinking, "I can feel the static electricity building . . ." Dogbert shuffles back and forth and his fur begins to stand up. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I most certainly will NOT call you 'Thor, Dog of Thunder.'" Dogbert says, "Prepare to die."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday April 21,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #concludes, #proposal, #executive, #commitee, #Dogbert, #presentation, #mocking
Transcript
Dilbert stands next to an easel holding a pointer. He says, "This concludes my proposal to the executive committee. Any questions?" An executive replies, "No, I think most of us were thing about other things." The man continues, "But here's my impression of what you looked like giving the presentation." The man stands up and mocks Dilbert. He says, "Fuh fuh fuh . . ." Another exec says, "No, no, it was more like . . ." The man stands up, makes a funny face and says, "Fuh fuh fuh . . ." Dilbert arrives at home. Dogbert asks, "How did your presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "Don't ask." Dogbert says, "Fuh fuh. Don't ask. Fuh fuh . . ."
Sunday January 31,
1993
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #legal, #department, #corporate, #lawyer, #trial, #judge, #position, #unglamorous, #consequently, #bad, #attitude, #approve, #sued, #trouble, #month, #nromally, #reject, #lawsuit
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "Before I read your proposal, run it past our legal department." Dilbert groans. The Boss thinks, "That's the end of that." A lawyer tells Dilbert, "I didn't have to become a corporate lawyer. I could be a trial lawyer or a judge, you know." The attorney continues, "But I chose to work here at this unglamorous position." The man continues, "Consequently, I have a bad attitude and I'm going to take it out on you." The lawyer says, "Your proposal does noting to help MY career. And if I approve it and we get sued later, then I'll get in trouble." The lawyer continues, "In a month or so, I'll formally reject your idea with a neatly typed but oddly worded memo." The Boss asks, "Did he reject your proposal yet?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah. And he filed a lawsuit against me."
Monday May 03,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #sensory, #deprivation, #chamber, #experience, #mental, #stimulation, #paid
Transcript
Dilbert thinks, "I prepare to enter the sensory deprivation chamber." Dilbert thinks, "I will experience no mental or physical stimulation for hours." Dilbert sits in his cubicle thinking, "All that and I get paid too."
Tuesday May 11,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #assigned, #prepare, #budget, #system, #crazed, #monk, #sealed, #wine, #cask
Transcript
Susan says to Dilbert, "You'll have to learn our budget system." Susan explains, "It was developed 400 years ago by a crazed monk who sealed himself in a wine cask." Susan says, "Unfortunately, we still have him." A voice from inside a wine cask says, "Hey, I've got another idea."
Saturday July 23,
1994
Tags #market research, #customers age, #proposal study, #funding, #no answers, #half above, #half below
Transcript
Dogbert: My market research indicates that 50 % of your customers are above the median age. But the shocking discovery was that 50 % were below the median age. The Boss: what percent are exactly the median age? Dogbert: Im proposing to study that impasse two.
Sunday August 21,
1994
Tags #proposal, #alternatives, #lobby government, #tax breaks, #idiot run businesses, #quit job, #new career, #handing out towels, #cow chips, #bull shit
Transcript
The boss: Your proposal doesn't address the alternatives. Dilbert: There aren't any reasonable alternatives. The boss: There are always alternatives! Give me alternatives!! No wonder nothing gets done around here - not enough alternatives. typing: "we could lobby the government to give tax breaks to all idiot run businesses" "I could quit this stupid job and start a new career handing out towels at the gym" "Or we could use cow chips instead of microchips and save millions" The Boss: whats a cow chip? Dilbert: This job would be an example.
Monday August 29,
1994
Tags #prepare reports, #outsourced jobs, #write report, #outsourcing, #illogical
Transcript
The Boss: "I want all of you to prepare reports explaining why your jobs shouldn't be outsourced to consultants." "It is my job to write this report. But if I were a consultant it would make no sense to compare me to myself. Outsourcing is illogical." "For some reason, I'm not taking as much pride in my work lately."
Sunday December 17,
1995
Tags #taken vacation, #use vacation days, #work 7 days a week, #year end review, #artificial project, #vacation target, #mutually exclusive goal, #frustration
Transcript
The Boss, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Alice, our records show that you haven't taken a vacation all year." The Boss continues, "Company policy requires you to use your vacation days." Alice says, "How?? You told me to work seven days a week to prepare the project for your boss's year-end review." Alice asks, "Do you want me to meet the artificial project target or the artificial vacation target?" Alice stands up and screams, "Hello!!! These are mutually exclusive goals!!! Hello!!!" Alice says, "Ooh . . . Sorry, I usually just think that last part in silent frustration." The Boss says, "Moving right along . . . Kudos to Wally for using all of his vacation days ahead of schedule." Alice looks furious. Wally says, "Get over it, Alice. We can't all be superstars."
Tuesday March 05,
1996
Tags #50 page proposal, #one pargraph, #executive summary, #impossible, #give us 3 million, #cool tech, #resumes, #festering boil, #feel obligated, #customers
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table reading documents. Dilbert says, "I have to turn this fifty-page proposal into a one-paragraph executive summary for our CEO. It's impossible." Dogbert responds, "Simple." Dogbert says, "How about 'give us three million dollars so we can buy cool technology, pump up our resumes and escape this festering boil you call a company?'" Dilbert says, "I feel obligated to say something about our customers." Dogbert says, "How about 'I'm glad I'm not one of them.'"