Produce Breakthrough Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

29 Results for Produce Breakthrough

View 1 - 10 results for produce breakthrough comic strips. Discover the best "Produce Breakthrough" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #dream, #hillbillies, #lint, #lint farm, #stranger than fiction

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert joins Dogbert at the breakfast table. He says, "I had the weirdest dream last night . . ." Dogbert replies, "You probably think I want to hear all about it." Dilbert says, "I was kidnapped by hillbillies and forced to produce pocket lint on their illegal lint farm." Dilbert pictures himself hanging from the ceiling with tubes connected to his pockets. Dilbert continues, "They fed me only flannel and water, and mined my pockets twice a day." Dilbert is hooked up to a machine. Dilbert says, "Thank God it was only a dream . . ." Dogbert says, "Only a dream? Maybe you should check your pockets." Dilbert puts his hands in his pockets and screams, "Lint!!" Dogbert looks at the reader and says, "Stranger than fiction."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mineral, #water, #pharaohs, #scientifically, #produce, #deep, #relaxation, #bandages, #pyramid

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several people wearing only towels. Dogbert says, "You are now ready for the next step in my 'New Age Mineral Water Spa' therapy." Dogbert continues, "This next therapy was practiced by the pharaohs . . . It has been scientifically proven to produce deep relaxation." Dogbert continues, "Please pick up a roll of bandages and line up in front of the pyramid door . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #better comoritively, #dread, #fixed income, #health problems, #pre meeting meeting, #retirement, #shrink, #wrinkles, #complaints

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commercially viable, #hard drive, #installed software, #tail, #zimbu, #monkey, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Well, well, It looks like Zumbu has designed another commercially viable product using only his tail. Dilbert: I could have done that....If I hadn't erased my hard drive when I installed my security software. I don't produce much, but its very secure. Monkey: Heres another one.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pyramid scam, #marketing breakthrough, #new recruit, #amazingly wealthy, #being your own boss, #one thousand dollars, #the world pays, #money, #scam

View Transcript

Transcript

"Remember, it's not a pyramid scam, it's a marketing breakthrough!" "The beauty of it is a new recruit is born every minute." "Are we guaranteed to become amazingly wealthy?" "While being our own boss?" "Yes, unless you're lazy or ethical." "Each person you recruit pays you one thousand dollars. The recruits get their own recruits and charge them TWO thousand, and so on." "Eventually, every person on Earth will be giving you money. And that adds up." "You can't argue with the math." "I feel like we're a big family." "The best part is that every person on Earth will get rich!" "Actually, the last recruit kinda gets it in the shorts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fascilitator, #breakthrough, #moment of silence, #honor, #despite, #surrounded by dolts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another employee sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I think you'll agree that this meeting went smoothly with me as facilitator." Dogbert continues, "The breakthrough was when I realized I was the only one here with anything valuable to say." Dogbert concludes, "Let's have a moment of silence to honor me for my brilliant work despite being surrounded by dolts." Everyone at the table looks angry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #actual work, #decisons, #prodcue, #carbon dioxide

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I'm a manager, so I don't do actual work . . ." The Boss thinks, "And all the decisions are made above me." The Boss says to his secretary, "Carole, tell me again what I produce." Carol replies, "Carbon dioxide. Our plants would need that if they weren't plastic."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategy council, #form a comittee, #produce document, #team, #create council, #ignores document, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

During a meeting, The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, put together a team to decide who'll be on the strategy council." Dilbert responds, "You want me to form a committee to create a committee that will produce a document that will be ignored?" The Boss answers, "No, it's a team to create a council." Wally raises his hand and asks, "Can I be on the team that ignores the document?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #selective breeding, #produce offspring, #no biometric impression, #no pulse, #no fingerprints, #no dna

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "For thousands of generations the males in my family practiced selective breeding." Wally continues, "The goal was to produce offspring that leave no biometric impression: no pulse, no fingerprints, no DNA." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Wally responds, "We like to ask, 'Why not?'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #processor load, #took advice, #laser pointers, #light sabers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a slide and says, "Our breakthrough came when we distributed the processor load." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. Asok raises his arms and exclaims, "It's about time that you took my advice! Hallelujah! Good for you!" Dilbert says, "If laser pointers were light sabers, you'd be looking for your torso." Asok responds, "Ha ha! You're using my joke! Good one!"