Reduce Headcount Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

86 Results for Reduce Headcount

View 1 - 10 results for reduce headcount comic strips. Discover the best "Reduce Headcount" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #nuclear, #bomb, #much, #deal, #government, #reduce, #national, #debt, #liberal, #hissy, #fit

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert walks past a man in a trench coat standing on a street corner. The man says, "Psst . . ." The secret agent asks, "Want to buy a nuclear bomb?" Dogbert asks, "How much?" The man replies, "Twenty bucks." Dogbert says, "Deal." Dogbert hands over the money and asks, "Does the government know about this?" The man replies, "I am the government." The man says, "It's the only way we could agree on to reduce the national debt . . . You wouldn't believe how many of these things we have." Dogbert walks down the sidewalk carrying his bomb. Several other people on the street are also carrying bombs. Dogbert thinks, "I'm glad I got mine before some liberal has a hissy fit."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #prisoners, #warden, #jail, #profitable, #executed, #costs, #joke of the day, #program

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several men in bathrobes and slippers. Dogbert says, "Attention, prisoners! This is Warden Dogbert speaking!" Dogbert continues, "My jail has not been profitable. I've decided to have you all executed to reduce operating costs." Dogbert walks away thinking, "The 'Joke of the Day' program seems wasted on these people."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #can-o-matic, #restroom, #stall, #randomly, #fires, #pink, #slip, #backs, #expressions, #security, #cameras

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert points to a picture of a bathroom and tells the Boss, "As your consultant, I recommend the 'Can-O-Matic' to reduce staff levels." Dogbert points to a picture of a person falling out a building window and explains, "Disguised as a restroom stall, the Can-O-Matic randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building." The Boss says, "But I won't get to see the expressions on their faces." Dogbert replies, "Well, we could fling them past the security cameras here . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #rivers, #trees, #management, #variety, #dangerous, #tasks, #woods, #survival, #depend, #creativity, #ability, #team-building, #exercise, #headcount, #reduction

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm sending all of you to the 'Rivers and Trees' management course." The Boss continues, "There you'll be asked to perform a variety of dangerous tasks in the woods. Your survival will depend on your creativity and ability to work together." Dilbert says, "Oh, so it's a team-building exercise." The Boss replies, "I think of it more as a headcount reduction thing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #report, #utilize, #facilitate, #replace, #implementation, #phase, #readable, #fax, #type, #size

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk reading a report while Dilbert stands waiting. The Boss says, "Good report, but change the word 'use' to 'utilize' in each case." The Boss continues, "Change 'help' to 'facilitate' and replace 'do' with 'implementation phase.'" The Boss continues, "Hmm . . . It's still a bit too readable." Dilbert replies, "I could reduce the type size and run it through the fax."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #Dogbert, #plan, #techincally, #easible, #scoff, #snort, #breat, #headcount, #proffesional, #credibility, #risks, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a conference table with three other people. A man says, "Maybe Dilbert can tell us if our plan is technically feasible." Dilbert thinks, "For dramatic effect I'll scoff loudly." Dilbert thinks, "I'll just sort of laugh and snort and take a breath at the same time." Dilbert makes a strange noise. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no! Some spittle went down my air pipe . . . I'm choking." Dilbert falls over in his chair and makes choking noises. A woman asks, "Should we do something?" A man replies, "We're over our headcount, you know." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . And so I survived, but my professional credibility took a hit." Dogbert replies, "You knew the risks when you became an engineer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted, #the boss, #typo, #budget, #spreadsheet, #pay, #work, #happiest, #day, #life

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee says to the Boss, "I found a typo in the budget spreadsheet . . . It's too late to fix it." The man continues, "We transferred one job to another group but accidentally kept the money and headcount." The Boss tells another man, ". . . So, we still pay you but you aren't allowed to do work." The man thinks, "This is the happiest day of my life."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emphasize positive, #french staellite, #trending downward, #upbeat, #war with france, #project staus

View Transcript

Transcript

dilberts letter: "Project status: We accidentally destroyed the French satellite and are now at war with France." Elbonian: "Maybe you should be a little more upbeat in your report. Emphasize the positive." letter: "...on a positive note, our headcount expenses are trending downward."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raise, #engineers wuit, #the goal, #reduce headcount, #smart people leave, #organize pot luck

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career criminlas, #jail, #sentences, #don't reduce crime, #commit crimes, #others commit crimes, #statistics

View Transcript

Transcript

"I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life. There's no evidence that longer sentences reduce crime." "So, your theory is that when career criminals are in jail, other people commit more crimes to keep the average up..." "Statistics don't lie, Dogbert." "Unless bad statistics went to jail - then the others WOULD like."