Search Results for "scare"
Share May 25, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert arrives at home and asks, "Okay, where are these so-called upholsterygeist?" Dogbert replies, "In the living room." Dilbert says, "You turn on the VCR, I'll get the Jane Fonda workout tape!" The chair runs away screaming, "Aaagh! The Exercist!"
Share November 25, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert says, "I'm bored. I'm going to scare strangers." Dilbert replies, "Enjoy." Dogbert walks out of the house thinking, "Luckily, lots of people are afraid of dogs." Dogbert stands on the sidewalk and says to a passer by, "Hey mister, I've got rabies!!" The man replies, "I'm only afraid of global warming." Dogbert stands in front of a woman and shouts, "Pit bull! Pit bull!" The woman says, "Save it . . . I'm only afraid of acid rain." Dogbert shouts at a man, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" The man says, "Sorry, I only fear the national debt." Dogbert shouts at a boy carrying a skateboard, "Wild carnivore!" The boy replies, "Chill out, dog dude. I'm only scared of the hole in the ozone layer." Another man says, ". . . Garbage crisis." Dogbert says, "People scare me."
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Share March 24, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert: I've become a doomsday prophet so I can scare gullible people. Im telling everyone the world will end in year 2000. My compelling logic is that 2000 is a big round number. Dogbert: Its BIIIG and ROOUND Dilbert: Stop it!!!
Share June 04, 1995's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert at a conference table with a vendor. Dilbert looks at a product and says, "Your company makes an attractive little product, Jim." Dilbert hands the unit back to Jim. Dilbert says, "But we've decided to go with a vendor whose product actually works." Jim stands up suddenly, causing Dilbert's tie to fly straight up. Jim screams, "Fools!!! I'll crush you!!!" Jim continues, "I'll tell your boss you made a stupid decision!! Your careers will be ruined and I'll get the contract anyway!!" Wally says, "You can't scare us! Do you think our boss will believe a vendor over his own loyal employees?" Wally and Dilbert cross their arms and think, "Must . . . keep . . . a . . . straight . . . face . . ." Wally, Dilbert and Jim erupt in laughter. Dilbert says, "We'll take a million units." Jim says, "Take two million and I'll see that you get nice raises."
Share February 11, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to Carol, "Carol, I need to reserve the glass-walled conference room by the main lobby." Carol replies, "The 'Fish Bowl' is only available to attractive employees. We don't want to scare visitors." Dilbert says, "I want a second opinion." Carol replies, "Very well. I'll convene the tribunal of admin assistants."
Share November 10, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "And then I would end the presentation with this." The Boss is sitting next to two other pointy-haired people. He says, "Whoa! I don't like the look of that background color." The Boss continues, "Red says danger. We don't want to scare our customers." Dilbert responds, "Um.. okay. How about yellow?" The second pointy-haired person says, "Yellow? Are we saying we're cowards?" The third pointy-haired person says, "What we need is a committee to set some standards for background colors." Dilbert responds, "What we need is a meteor to pulverize you three pointy- haired, micro-managing nitwits." After the meeting, Wally asks Dilbert, "If you didn't move your mouth, how did it get out?" Dilbert responds, "It came out of my ear hole."
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Dilbert: I got reassigned to manage our legacy systems. The dress code is "troll." My cubicle is under the walkway. My side job is scaring vendors. Dogbert: Is that hard? Dilbert: Only the first day. After you eat one vendor, work gets around.