Stare At Screen Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

124 Results for Stare At Screen

View 1 - 10 results for stare at screen comic strips. Discover the best "Stare At Screen" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 1989's comic on:


Tags #date, #love & dating, #video

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert enters Video Date, Inc. Dilbert sits across from a desk. A man smoking a cigar explains, ". . . Then we film our clients so prospective dates can screen each other for compatibility." The man continues, "For an extra fee we supply special effects to make you appear more manly. Our most popluar theme is where we dress you in a loin cloth and you rip the arms off an Arnold Schwarzenegger dummy while bombs explode nearby!" Dilbert asks, "Gosh, don't you have something that will make me look sensitive and caring?" The man thinks. The man says, "Okay . . . We dress you up as Mary Tyler Moore and have you bottle feeding this plastic dying dolphin." Dilbert replies, "No, too sensitive. Suppose we say the dolphin just has a bad cold . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1989's comic on:


Tags #computer, #Women, #personality, #technology, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert says, "There . . . My program proves that pretty women have extremely bad personalities." Dilbert continues, "This is based on the input that pretty women are never nice to me." Dogbert asks, "Why does the screen say 'or you are a geek?'" Dilbert replies, "Darn! I thought I fixed that bug."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #program, #pick-up line, #mel gibson, #savage

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #elevators, #riding, #woman, #straight, #ahead, #dead, #social anxiety, #naturally, #acting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands next to a woman in an elevator. Dilbert thinks, "Riding elevators is so awkward." Dilbert thinks, "Stare straight ahead . . . Don't breathe . . . Don't fidget . . . Don't blink . . . Arms hang like limp weights . . ." The woman thinks, "I think he's dead." Dilbert thinks, "Above all, act naturally."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1990's comic on:


Tags #computer, #computer software, #Dilbert, #display, #internet, #michael, #microchip, #online, #screen, #software

View Transcript

Transcript

Michael: Let me show you a round the inside of your computer. Dilbert: Neat! Michael: Here's where we generate the hypnotic signals for your display screen. Dilbert: Why? Michael: To make you think you need more computers. Dilbert: Good lord, you've learned to reproduce!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bluffing, #control, #don't, #wing, #my, #husband, #dead, #parties, #jury, #trials, #steamroller, #porsche

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "What if people had tails? First of all, it would look darned silly." A tail protrudes from Dilbert's pants. The caption says, "Only the truly unobservant would lose at poker." Dilbert sits at a table playing poker with a man. Dilbert thinks, "He's bluffing." The man's tail wags. He thinks, "Control . . . Don't wag . . ." The caption says, "Jury trials would be simpler." A woman sits in the witness stand and says, ". . . Then I found my husband dead." The judge and a lawyer stare at her wagging tail. The caption says, "And parties would be even more awkward." Dilbert talks to a man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. The man says, "That's when I learned that if you drive a Porsche, you should never make fun of a man on a steamroller." Dilbert's tail wags as he replies, "Tragic . . . Really."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #impolite, #pda, #victims

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. Dilbert says, "Ugh . . . Look at that young couple kissing in public." Dilbert continues, "They should realize how impolite it is." Dogbert asks, "Is it impolite for us to stare at them?" Dilbert replies, "We're just the victims in all this, Dogbert."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #co-worker, #john smith, #watch, #television, #cable, #america's most wanted, #wedgies, #entire, #town, #person, #victims, #wedgied, #own, #homes, #show, #adjust, #picture, #exactly, #invite, #people

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Dogbert, this is my new co-worker, John Smith." The man with Dilbert says, "Yo." Dogbert says, "Yo." Dilbert says, "I invited him over to watch television. He doesn't have cable yet." Dilbert, Dogbert and John sit on the couch watching tv. The announcer says, "Next on 'America's Most Wanted.'" The host of the program says, "This man gave 'wedgies' to an entire town, one person at a time." There is a picture of John on the tv screen. The host continues, "The victims were wedgied in their own homes, usually while watching this show." John asks, "Can you lean over and adjust that picture?" Dilbert replies, "Sure." Dogbert says, "They don't even explain what a wedgie is." John reaches for Dilbert's pants. Dilbert's underwear has been pulled over his head. He tells Dogbert, "This is exactly why I don't invite people over more often."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #behavior, #language, #Dilbert, #zimbu, #charade, #skills, #rote, #logic, #reasoning, #program, #writting, #basic, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Zimbu the Monkey sits at his desk working on the computer. Dilbert says, "It's time to end this charade, Zimbu!" Dilbert continues, "Your language skills are simple rote behavior. Monkeys are incapable of logic and reasoning." Dilbert looks at the computer screen and says, "Ha! And that program you're writing -- it's probably in 'Basic.'" Zimbu asks, "Do you ever work?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #home, #video, #moment, #vhs, #doctor, #incision, #squiggly, #photogenic

View Transcript

Transcript

A man answers his door and says, "Dilbert! Dogbert!" Dilbert says, "Thanks for inviting us over." The man stands next to a woman and says, "We thought you'd like to see our home video of little Timmy's birth." The man puts the tape in the VCR and says, "We captured every beautiful moment on VHS!" The woman asks, "Have you ever seen a Caesarean section before?" The man points at the screen and says, "The doctor is making the incision!" The man continues, "Now they're removing the squiggly thing!" The woman says, "Wait . . . This might be the wrong tape . . . I think this is your appendectomy video." Dogbert says, "Either that or little Timmy isn't very photogenic."