Stockholders Comic Strips
29 Results for Stockholders
View 1 - 10 results for stockholders comic strips. Discover the best "Stockholders" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 14, 1998's comic on:
Catbert is standing at the entrance to Wally's cubicle. Catbert tells him, "The company is giving free flu shots, Wally." A man holding a rifle, wearing safari gear and glasses, reminiscent of Teddy Roosevelt, stands next to Catbert. Catbert continues, "The shots will be delivered by wealthy stockholders who will hunt you down and shoot you with flu darts." Wally, with the barrel of the rifle pointed in his back, asks, "At least I won't get the flu, right?" Catbert replies, "You're probably thinking of the flu prevention shots."
Share May 15, 1998's comic on:
Wally is standing in front of the Boss' desk. There are four darts in Wally's back. The Boss tells him, "No one likes being hunted down and shot with flu darts, Wally." He continues, "But remember: companies are managed for the benefit of stockholders, not employees." Wally responds, "I own stock. It's in my 401(K) account." The Boss counters, "I'm not supposed to tell you, but none of that is real."
Share August 20, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director Catbert is talking to the contract employee with glasses. Catbert says, "Yes, regular employees are paid less than contract emplyees such as yourself." Catbert says, "But if you join the company, you'll get many intangible benefits." The employee says, "Maybe your stockholders would like some intangible benefits. They can have mine."
Share August 21, 1998's comic on:
Catbert talks to the boss. The boss sits at his desk. Catbert says, "The employees aren't falling fror the old "intangible benefits" story anymore." The boss says, "Uh-oh. We don't earn enough money to give tangible benefits to employees AND stockholders." Caption: Stockholder meeting. The boss presents a sign that reads "Stock" and has a plummeting line. The boss says, "...Now let's discuss your intangible benefits..." One stockholder pulls a gun. Another stockholder waves his can and curses.
Share August 25, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Dogbert Consults Dogbert and the boss sit at a desk. Dogbert is in the boss' chair. Dogbert says, "My recommendations are based on an analysis of accountability." The boss says, "Ohh." Dogbert says, "As a consultant, I'm not accountable to your stockholders. So I can recommend anything that amuses me." Dogbert says, "I recommend that you convert all of your U.S. dollars to elbonian currency... whatever that is." The boss says, "The eyecrud."
Share February 21, 1999's comic on:
Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"
Share November 19, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, you're going to Elbonia to shut down our Elbonian mud delivery business." The Boss continues, "Meanwhile, I'll tell our stockholders that we expect the mud delivery business to make huge profits." Dilbert says, "Um... is this illegal?" The Boss replies, "There's no law against optimism! I checked."
Share June 17, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Stockholders are worried that our profits are nothing but accounting gimmicks." The Boss responds, "I'm putting you in charge of destroying all of our accounting records." Dilbert says, "That's illegal." The Boss responds, "Oh. Then just make them more confusing."
Share October 23, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert introduces a weasel to The Boss, "I hired a weasel to teach you how to answer media questions." The weasel says, "No matter what the reporters ask, always give the same answer 'It will be good for stockholders.'" The Boss is answering media questions. A reporter asks, "Is it true that you ran over a stockholder in the parking lot?" The Boss responds, "It'll be good for him."
Share October 24, 2002's comic on:
Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "I worry that our upcoming merger is nothing but a huge scam on our stockholders." The Boss opens his mouth very wide and yells, "Buwaha-hahaha!!" The Boss says, "I mean.. It's accretive to earnings."