Toast Of The Month Club Comic Strips
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Dilbert says to Phil the Ruler of Heck, "Gosh, I thought 'Heck' was just a figure of speech." Phil replies, "Yeah. A lot of people think they can get away with minor infractions." Phil says, "According to my records, last month you deliberately asked for THREE little ketchups at McDonald's when you KNEW you only needed TWO." Dilbert says, "I knew that would come back to haunt me. Look, I still have the extra one. I'll give it back!" Phil shakes his spoon at Dilbert and says, "Shame shame . . ."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your first meeting with the 'Perpetual Motion Club?'" Dilbert replies, "Great! I learned the secret handshake tonight." Dilbert sticks his hand out and says, "You stick your hand out and spin it around like this." Dogbert asks, "Then what?" Dilbert replies, "Then you just keep on doing it forever." Dogbert says, "That explains why you keep it secret."
Dilbert approaches the mailbox saying, "Oh, please, please, please . . ." Dilbert opens the mailbox and says, "Yay! It's here!" Dilbert walks away carrying a piece of bread. Dilbert says, "Nothing quite matches the thrill of the 'Toast of the Month Club!'"
Dilbert tells Dogbert, "You know, many great men kept diaries." Dogbert says, "Not to mention the entire Kirk Cameron fan club." Dilbert sits at a desk and writes, "Monday: Woke up. Went to work. Came home. Ate. Watched tv and went to bed." Dilbert closes the diary and tells Dogbert, "Well, this was both therapeutic and satisfying." Dogbert says, "Sometimes it's good to bare your soul like that." Dilbert sits at the desk and writes, "Tuesday: See 'Monday.'" He thinks, "Who the heck is Kirk Cameron?"
Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Yes?" Dogbert says, "I'm demanding a new wage and benefits package." Dilbert says, "I already give you everything you want . . ." Dilbert continues, "And in return you give me disloyalty, verbal abuse and occasional legal problems." Dogbert says, "Okay, it's a good job, but I'm putting in twenty-four hours a day!" Dogbert continues, "I think I deserve some sort of special recognition for my good work." An "Employee of the Month" poster with Dogbert's picture hangs on the refrigerator. Dogbert says, "I'm positively giddy." Dilbert says, "You edged out the toaster by two votes."
Dilbert sits on a weight lifting bench holding dumbells. Dilbert thinks, "The experts used to say you should exercise every day." Dilbert thinks, "Now they think twenty minutes every other day is just as good." Dilbert collapses onto the bench and thinks, "My strategy of five minutes a month is looking pretty clever."
At the petimony trial, Dilbert says, "Your honor, I request that Dogbert's suit against me be dropped . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . On the grounds that there's no habeas corpus, no lo contendre, and no e pluribus unum." Dilbert looks up at the bench and thinks, "With luck, he doesn't know Latin either." The judge says, "Bailiff, club this man."
Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've been using false humility to weasel compliments out of people . . ." Dogbert continues, "But I know YOU're way too smart to fall for that trick, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Actually, I'm as dumb as toast." Dogbert says, "Then I found I could use false compliments to make people insult themselves."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Uh . . . Dilbert, about that assignment I gave you last month . . ." The Boss continues, "Remember how you thought it was a silly and ridiculous assignment?" Dilbert says, "Yeah?" The Boss replies, "Well, it turns out that I've been spontaneously channeling the spirit of Bozo the Clown." The Boss is suddenly wearing a clown nose and costume.