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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1989's comic on:


Tags #date, #honesty, #love & dating

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk. Dilbert writes, "Single, dumpy and dull male seeks young and beautiful woman for romance." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "The key to writing a successful 'personals' ad is honesty . . . Complete and total honesty." Dogbert asks, "What species are you targeting?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #book, #walking, #dog, #picking up, #Women, #baby, #single male, #overrated

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Dilbert looks in a book and says to Dogbert, "This book says the best time to pick up women is while walking a dog." Dogbert says, "Let's try it." Dilbert holds a leash that is wrapped around Dogbert's stomach. Dogbert walks in front of Dilbert yelling, "Yo! Baby! Whoa whoa! Shake it, don't break it! Come and get your single male!!" Dilbert says, "I think this method is overrated." Dogbert yells, "Form one line! No pushing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dorgy, #capitalism, #communism, #rich, #popular methods

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Dogbert: You see, Dorgy, under our capitalist system anybody can become rich. Dogbert: Inheritance and crime are the most popular methods. Dorgy: Which is preferred method? Dogbert: It's best to have your parents do the crime and let you inherit it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #urget, #memo, #employees, #important, #competitive, #proactive, #quality, #items, #pounding, #tingly, #day, #off

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Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #vernon, #brains, #tapioca, #boring, #neighbors, #talking, #outiside, #walks, #walking

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Vernon: Yo! Dilbert and Dogbert! Dilbert: Oh, no.... Dogbert: Yo. Vernon: Did I ever tell you about my favorite episode of, "Kojak?" Dogbert: Whoa! Vern, we gotta go before you turn our brains into tapioca! Dilbert: There's always the direct method.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Women, #conclude, #year, #quality, #dates, #sadly, #Dogbert

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a hill outdoors. Dilbert says, "About 400 women turned me down for dates this year." Dilbert continues, "I can only conclude one thing . . ." Dogbert asks, "Not enough quality women?" Dilbert replies, "Sadly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #calculated, #average, #mouthful, #percent, #salters, #necessarily, #tongue, #crackers, #Food, #salty

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table eating dinner. Dilbert says, "You shouldn't salt your food before tasting it." Dogbert replies, "It's a calculated risk . . ." Dogbert explains, "The average mouthful of food is five percent of the total serving." Dogbert continues, "So timid salters eat five percent of almost every meal with too little salt . . ." Dogbert continues, "Because only one time in a thousand is food too salty to begin with." Dogbert concludes, "Therefore, over a lifetime you experience almost five percent less salt-related happiness than I do." Dilbert replies, "Not necessarily. I usually salt my tongue after the first swallow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dinosaurs, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #special, #bob, #animal behavior, #birds, #careless

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Dogbert walks down the stairs holding a gadget. Dogbert says, "If Dilbert wanted me to have this when he died it must have been special to him. But what is it?" Bob the Dinosaur says, "We dinosaurs have a method for handling things we don't understand." Dogbert says, "Tell me." Bob replies, "We stomp it to bits and evolve into birds who don't care."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #rambling, #questions, #focus, #johnson, #fetch, #stick, #achieve, #sacrificing, #customer, #the boss

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and another employee sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, the staff meeting is over. Does anybody have any meaningless rambling questions? Johnson?" Johnson asks, "How can we work as a team to achieve total quality without sacrificing customer focus?" The Boss asks, "How many people would like to see me make Johnson fetch this stick?" Everyone raises their hands.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #direction, #stupid, #shall, #dance, #better

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Dilbert and Wally walk toward each other in the hallway. Dilbert thinks, "Collision course . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I hate this . . . We'll both veer in the same direction, then the other. He'll say something studpid, like 'Shall we dance?'" Dilbert ducks and Wally trips over him. Dilbert thinks, "This method isn't much better."