Very Discriminating Comic Strips
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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to dedicate my life to the less fortunate." Dilbert replies, "That's very noble of you, Dogbert. Will you be working with the homeless, or perhaps the hungry?" Dogbert replies, "I thought I'd start with people who didn't buy real estate in the 70's . . . Maybe work my way up to that other stuff."
Dilbert and Dogbert enter a restaurant called "Chez de Whales." Dilbert says, "This is a very fancy place, Dogbert, so don't embarrass me." Dilbert tells the maitre d', "Uh . . . Two please. Non-smoking." The maitre d' replies, "I'm afraid, monsieur, that jackets are required." The maitre d' says, "You may wear these complimentary house jackets while you dine." The maitre d' continues, "You must also wear these beaver hats and clown feet." Dilbert and Dogbert put on the jackets and hats. The maitre d' says, "Next time messieurs will remember their jackets." Dogbert says, "Looks like we narrowly avoided embarrassment."
Dilbert asks Dogbert who is sitting on the bed, "Do you like my new clip-on necktie?" Dogbert replies, "It's very nice. Good colors, nice pattern. Why, with a tie like that, DON'T be surprised if you get an offer to pose for GQ MAGAZINE!" Dilbert says, "I think you crossed that fine line between polite lying and outright sarcasm." Dogbert replies, "The momentum carried me."
Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "The designs for my revolutionary new 'home defense system' are now complete." Dilbert looks at the plans and says, "Well, this is very detailed. But where do you think we can find this many 'flying attack porcupines?'" Dogbert says, "Just TRY to get a compliment out of that man."
Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"
Dogbert stands at a table wearing a chef's hat. He says to Dilbert, "You're just in time to taste my new cake." Dilbert says, "Yum." Dilbert eats the cake and says, "Great cake, but shouldn't it have frosting?" Dogbert replies, "Oh no! Frosting is very bad for you." Dilbert walks away saying, "Gee, I never knew that frosting was bad for me." Dogbert says, "That's why I licked it all off."
Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Care to join me for a walk?" Dogbert answers, "Sure." Dogbert says, "I hope you aren't planning to chew that gum at the same time." Dilbert says as he puts a piece of gum in his mouth, "Very funny." Dilbert lies on the ground with gum sticking to his feet, his arms and Dogbert. Dilbert says, "Boy! This is a lot harder than you would think." Dogbert growls.
Dilbert says, "They were rude to me at the bank again, Dogbert." Dilbert points to the door and says, "I've had enough . . . Sic 'em, boy!!" Dogbert walks into the bank. Dogbert tells a woman, "Hi. I'm David Packard; billionaire founder of Hewlett-Packard." Dogbert sits at the woman's desk and continues, ". . . And I'd like to put all of my money into one of your non-interest bearing accounts." The woman replies, "You're not David Packard. You're just a dreadful little dog with glasses." The woman says, "Then again . . . I've never seen a picture of David Packard . . . I'd better open the account." Dogbert says, "Very good. Now give me fifty push-ups or I'll take my business elsewhere."
Dilbert stands at the front of the room giving a presentation. A man sitting at the conference table says, "Be candid, Dilbert. We have a corporate philosophy that says we 'don't shoot the messenger.'" Dilbert replies, "Good." Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "Had you consulted with the engineering department, you never would have launched such an ill-conceived product." Dilbert continues, "It is doomed to fail. You will all be humiliated and probably fired." A woman holding a rifle shouts, "Can't I just wing him?!!" A man says, "No, Eileen, that's not our philosophy." Dilbert arrives at home with tar and feathers on his body. He tells Dogbert, "It turns out the corporate philosophy is a very flexible document." Dogbert says, "You're getting tar on the carpet."
Dogbert lies on his pillow. Dilbert says, "Dogbert . . . Napping again?" Dilbert says, "Don't you know that many famous people functioned with very little sleep . . .? There were Jackie Gleason, Ben Franklin, Napoleon . . ." Dogbert says, "I like to think I'm more attractive than any of those guys."