Violent Emplyees Comic Strips

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32 Results for Violent Emplyees

View 1 - 10 results for violent emplyees comic strips. Discover the best "Violent Emplyees" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #violence, #beautiful, #Dilbert, #conquer, #butter knife

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've been thinking how wonderful it would be if all people renounced violence forever." Dilbert turns around and says, "That's a beautiful thought, Dogbert." Dogbert says as he walks away, "If nobody else was violent, I could conquer the whole stupid planet with just a butter knife."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #suggestions, #report, #ridiculous, #spit, #woman, #carol, #assistant, #violent

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Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #Dogbert, #violent, #movies, #lab, #animal behavior, #parents, #studying, #inured, #violence, #gnaw

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Dogbert and Ratbert sit on a stone wall. Ratbert says, "All week I've been watching violent movies at the lab." Ratbert continues, "A group of parents are studying me to see if I become inured to violence." Dogbert asks, "Are you?" Ratbert replies, "Yeah. I'm planning to gnaw the parents to death tomorrow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #demangogue, #issue, #appeals, #emotions, #blind, #prejudices, #masses, #frenzy, #national, #unmarried, #Men, #responsible, #violent, #crimes, #Pets

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a demagogue." Dogbert continues, "I'll find some issue that appeals to the emotions and blind prejudices of the masses, then I'll whip it into a media frenzy and become a national figure." Dogbert continues, "For example, unmarried men are responsible for most of our violent crimes." Dilbert replies, "That's because we tend to have pets."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #unmarried, #Men, #commit, #ninety, #percent, #violent, #acts, #jailed, #advance, #prevent, #atrocities, #media, #sensation, #provocative, #write, #whole, #book, #gifted

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities." Dogbert continues typing, "And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The end." Dilbert thinks, "It's hard to write a whole book when you're as gifted as I am at getting to the point."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #turning est, #artificial software, #repsonse, #on screen, #computer, #staretgy, #visonize, #enhance earnings, #motivate emplyees, #improve focus, #opportunity, #opinions, #redefine, #technology

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A man tells Dilbert, "You'll be performing a 'Turing test' on our new artificial intelligence software." Dilbert sits at a desk. The researcher continues, "Try to determine if the responses on your screen come from our computer or a human in the next room." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it to write a strategy for our company." The computer responds, "Our strategy is to visionize quality resources that enhance earnings." Dilbert thinks, "Hmm." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it how to motivate employees." The computer response says, "Reorganize often to improve focus. Redefine work as 'opportunity' and increase it daily. Take time to ask for opinions then explain why they're wrong." Dilbert tells the researcher, "It must be a computer because there's no human intelligence. Unless . . ." Dilbert looks into the next room and sees the Boss sitting at a computer. Dilbert says, "Nice try, boss."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #catbert the hr director, #invent illogical policies, #annoy emplyees, #diabolical dress code, #question sanity, #casual clothes, #wally insane

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Catbert is at his desk. He thinks, "I think I'll invent some illogical policies to annoy employees." Catbert continues thinking, "My diabolical new dress code will make them question their own sanity." Reading a document, Dilbert tells Wally, ". . . So, casual clothes DON'T lower our stock value . . . but only if worn on Fridays . . . unless somebody sees us . . . Got it?" Wally puts his hands on his head and replies, "I think I'm insane."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #such cubicle enviroment, #regular emplyees, #enjoy, #sharing cubicle, #co ops, #new co op, #lasted a day, #fit in

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The Boss walks down the hall with a new employee. The Boss says, "As a co-op employee, you can't expect the same lush cubicle environment that the regular employees enjoy." The Boss brings the man to a cubicle filled with people lying on top of each other. The Boss says, "You'll be sharing this cubicle with our other co-ops." Dilbert says to Alice, "I heard that the new co-op only lasted one day." Alice quips, "He didn't fit in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #d chop, #television, #feel safer, #screens, #violent shows, #news, #Sports, #dramas, #sexual innuendo, #comedy commercials, #weather reports, #tornado rips, #Entertainment

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert holds a device and says, "I call my invention the D-Chip Television Filter." Dogbert says, "I feel safer already." Dilbert explains, "It screens out any show with violence." Dogbert replies, "There goes the news, sports and dramas." Dilbert says, "It also gets rid of shows that feature dishonesty or sexual innuendos." Dogbert says, "Goodbye comedy and commercials." Dilbert says, "Let's hook it up." Dilbert sits on the couch holding the remote control and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert looks at the television and says, "All we're getting is weather reports." The newscaster says, "A huge tornado ripped through a . . ." There is a beep and then only static. Dilbert says, "It works! The evil can't get to us now, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Unhook that #!*% thing or I'll rip off your leg and beat you to death with it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #deputy of common sense, #motivate emplyees, #insulting gifts, #symbolism, #chess pieces, #same team, #pawns, #saving rooks

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Dogbert is dressed as a policeman and stands on The Boss's desk and says, "You are accused of trying to motivate employees with insulting gifts." The Boss says, "You're missing the symbolism. I gave them chess pieces to show them we're all on the same team." Dogbert hass a hand on his gun and syas, "Specifically, you gave them pawns." The Boss says, "I'm saving the rooks for bonus day."