Won't Share Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for won't share comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Share" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death, #waiting, #medical

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Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aliens, #secret, #selfish

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Two aliens who look like cows travel toward earth in a spaceship. Dilbert sits at his desk. The doorbell rings. Dogbert says, "I'll get the door." Dogbert opens the door and sees the two aliens. One of the aliens says, "Greetings, earthling. We are an advanced race from the planet Moothron." The alien continues, "We came to share our secrets for ending hunger, poverty and disease." Dogbert asks, "What's in it for me?" The aliens look at each other. The aliens get in their spaceship and fly away. Dogbert sits on the hassock and says, "I'll always wonder if there was a better way to handle that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #eat, #sarcasm

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The caption says, "How to be boring: 'Great Things I Have Eaten' series." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "But by far, the best baked potato I've ever eaten was six years ago . . ." The caption says, "The victim may try sarcasm to relieve the boredom." Dogbert says, "Fascinating, now could you think out loud all of the possible dates this may have occurred?" The caption says, "Sarcasm won't work." Dilbert says, "Well, it could have been on October 6th . . . Or maybe the 16th. Was that a Tuesday?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaur, #carnivore, #joke, #bob

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Dawn the Dinosaur says to Dilbert, "Let's make a deal. You let us continue hiding in your house, and Bob won't hungrily devour you." Dilbert replies, "That's fair." Dilbert continues, "But I'm puzzled . . . I know that Dawn can avoid being seen because she is a Nobodysaurus, but how on earth did Bob go unnoticed all this time?" Bob points to his sneakers and says, "Tennies." Dawn says, "Old dinosaur trick."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #invention, #Dilbert, #scientist, #earth, #moon, #destroy, #warning label

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Dilbert stands next to a device and Dogbert sits on a stool. Dilbert says, "My new invention will generate a solid particle bridge to permanently connect the earth to the moon!" Dogbert says, "Well, I'm no scientist, but won't that disrupt the earth's orbit and cause an ice age that will destroy all life on this planet?" Dilbert asks, "You think it needs a little warning label?" Dogbert replies, "Just don't let kids use it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #staples, #straightened, #reused, #study it, #vision, #cc

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The caption says, "And while he had just created undoubtedly the finest memo known to man, still Dilbert felt curiously unfulfilled." Dilbert sits at his desk and reads the memorandum. Dilbert thinks, "Maybe it needs more 'CC's.'" The caption says, "Sadly, not everybody would share Dilbert's vision." Dogbert reads the memo and asks, "Do you really think staples can be straightened and reused?" Dilbert says, "I'm just saying we should study it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #phil, #Dilbert, #living room, #Dogbert, #damned, #darned, #sitting

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Dilbert asks Phil, the Ruler of Heck, "Then . . . I won't be damned?" Phil replies, "Just 'darned.' It was a misdemeanor." Phil continues, "You must set your thermostat for 76 degrees and stay in the living room for fifteen minutes." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I'm sorry, Dogbert. I brought this upon us." Dogbert says, "It's something you'll have to live with."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #abuse, #skunk, #cats, #fear, #response, #ice cream

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Dilbert is threatened by an abusive skunk. Skunk: That's right: A big bowl of ice cream could keep me from being afraid and reflexively spraying your living room. Dilbert: This is blackmail! Skunk: My goodness, no. It's just that I can't control my fear response. Now I'm afraid that you won't sing the songs from "cats," while I eat.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #phone call, #wheeze, #headache, #phone

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Dilbert, who is wearing his bathrobe, says into the telephone, "That's right . . . cough-cough! . . . I won't be in to work . . . cough-wheeze-cough . . ." Dilbert continues, "Bad cold? Well, no, actually I have a bad headache . . ." Dilbert continues, "But I don't know how to make a headache sound over the phone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #school, #teacher, #dog, #fourth grade, #coincidence

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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "You what?!" Dogbert replies, "I got a job as a substitute school teacher." Dilbert says, "You aren't qualified to be a teacher. You're a dog." Dogbert replies, "Little kids won't know the difference." Dilbert says, "You do remind me a bit of my fourth grade teacher." Dogbert asks, "Just a coincidence?"