Closest Things Comic Strips

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401 Results for Closest Things

View 1 - 10 results for closest things comic strips. Discover the best "Closest Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed

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Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #life, #office, #office workers, #panic, #overwhelmed

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Dilbert: I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need to get done. Boss: Have you tried eliminating your personal life? Dilbert: That took care of itself. Boss: Okay, that's the only idea I had.

Adjust The Data

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Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data

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Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #communication, #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #talking

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Dilbert: Did Alice talk to you about the cost estimates? Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I can't hear you. Ted: Mumble mumble!!! Dilbert: Now you're just mumbling louder. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: Maybe you could turn toward me when you mumble and I can try to read your lips. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I'm getting something about grapes, windshields, asthma, and blockchain. Ted: I didn't say any of those things. Dilbert: Okay. I understood that sentence. Now answer my question the same way. Ted: Mumble mumble.

Anticipate Problems

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Anticipate Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #anticipate, #finishing, #friday, #punctual, #anticipating, #things, #problems

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Man: Do you anticipate any problems finishing by Friday? Wally: I do not. Man: Is that because you're punctual or because you aren't good at anticipating things? Wally: I don't foresee any unforeseen problems. Man: Okay. Wait...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #man, #criticizing, #face, #head, #arrogance, #toxic, #personality, #garbage, #plague, #legs, #truth, #power, #behind, #back

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Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Unmotivated Staff

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Unmotivated Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #the boss, #wrong, #leadership, #skills

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The Boss: A few months ago, I realized my staff was unmotivated and working on all the wrong things. It took all of my leadership skills to get them motivated again. Catbert: Are they still doing the wrong things? The Boss: Faster than ever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #draft, #same day, #sloth, #tardiness

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The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded. Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now. The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.

Looking In The Wrong Places

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Looking In The Wrong Places - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #couch, #co-worker, #wimp, #empathy, #wrong, #places

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Dilbert: I offered to help a co-worker, and she started delegating tasks to me like I'm her subordinate. Dogbert: Is the point of your boring story that your co-worker is a natural leader and you're a wimp. Dilbert: I was looking for some empathy. Dogbert: Is your point that you look for things in the wrong places?

Speaking Truth To Power

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Speaking Truth To Power - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power

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Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.

History Doesn't Repeat

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History Doesn't Repeat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ted, #plan, #solution, #thinking, #history, #new

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Ted: Your plan is dumb because it reminds me of something different that didn't work out. Dilbert: Being reminded of unrelated things is not a form of thinking. Ted: History repeats. Dilbert: Then how does something new ever happen?