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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #man, #sitting, #meeting, #contract, #reading, #skipping, #failure, #inefficient, #business

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Dilbert says, "My company typically takes about four months to negotiate this type of contract." Dilbert says, "And during that time there's a 100% chance that we'll change our minds or you'll discontinue this product." Dilbert says, "Shall we save some time by declaring failure and blaming each other?" Man says, "I gave up before I even handed you the contract."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2002's comic on:


Tags #impossible assignment, #right place, #reword, #objectives, #match, #analyzed, #feasibility, #project, #discontinue

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Dilbert is home in his bathrobe. He says to Dogbert, "Can you help me weasel out of an impossible assignment?" Dogbert replies, "You came to the right place." Dogbert continues, "Gradually reword the objectives of the project until one day they match what you've already done." Headline: Six Months Later. Dilbert says to The Boss, "I successfully analyzed the feasibility of discontinuing the project." The Boss responds, "Success!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2002's comic on:


Tags #ceo visit, #discontinue work, #five days, #illusion of productivity, #diversity, #few open slots

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our CEO is visiting next week. Discontinue all real work immediately." The Boss continues, "We have five days to create the illusion of productivity." The Boss points to a clipboard and says, "Here's the diversity sign-up sheet. We still have a few open slots that only require a hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #talking to customore, #make up mind, #discontinue, #product, #fill a lull

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The Boss and Ted are walking together, carrying their briefcases. Ted says: "Let me do all the talking to the customer." The Boss replies: "Check!" The Boss, Ted, and the customer are sitting at a table. The Boss says to the customer: "You'd better make up your mind fast. We plan to discontinue that product any day." Walking back from the meeting, the Boss says to Ted, who is turned away from the Boss and looks angry, "Well, excuse me for trying to fill a lull in the conversation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1998's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #discontinue, #profcits, #recorded message, #redirect, #serve customers better, #tech support, #evil

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Ted sits at the conference table next to Dilbert. He says, "We're discontinuing technical support of all our products." Ted continues, "A recorded message will explain it to the called this way..." Ted says, "'In order to serve our customers better, we've discontinued technical support.'" Dilbert looks at Ted and asks, "How does that serve customers better?" Ted answers, "We'll redirect those resources to other areas." Dilbert asks, "What other areas?" Ted replies, "Profits." Ted continues, "That makes your bonus larger. Any other questions?" Dilbert says, "Apparently I'm engulfed in evil." Ted says, "That's the spirit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #employers, #form, #election, #rescind, #opposite, #action, #declining, #reverse, #inclination, #discontinue, #employment

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The Boss hands Dilbert a form and says, "All employees must fill out this form." Dilbert reads, "Employee election to not rescind the opposite action of declining the reverse inclination to not discontinue employment with the company." Dilbert asks, "You're trying to trick us into quitting, aren't you?" The Boss hands Dilbert a pen and says, "Use ink."