Search Results for "shyness passes"
Share March 31, 2019's comic on:
Man: I'm a foodie. Are you foodie too? Dilbert: I think of food as fuel. Man: But you enjoy eating good food, right? Dilbert: I try to avoid food that tastes good. That way, I won't overeat. I usually just check my plate for any stray bandages, and that's about it. If my food passes that test, I shovel it toward my mouth while reading stuff on my phone. Man: I don't think I can be your friend. Dilbert: That worked out better than I hoped.
Share July 05, 2014's comic on:
Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!
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Share March 23, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert: I need a doctor's note for the two days of work I missed." Doctor: You look healthy to me. Dilbert: I got better. Doctor: how do I know you were sick? Dilbert: The note just needs to say I was sick. Doctor: so you want me to lie?" It's not a lie. I really was sick. Medical Doctor: If your company doesn't trust you, why should I?" Dilbert: Good point. What if I let the people in your waiting room cough on me? Then you can write a note saying I have what they have. Doctor: As long as I didn't recommend it. I think that passes ethical muster." The Boss: You have nine diseases?" Dilbert: That have names.
Share November 17, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert is giving a presentation. He says, "The original schedule looked like this..." Dilbert points to a slide and says, "One month for a management decision and one year to do the project." The Boss, Wally, and Alice listen as Dilbert continues, "The revised schedule is this..." Dilbert continues, "One year of indecision followed by intense pressure to do the impossible before the deadline." Dilbert passes a box of 3-D glasses and says, "Now if you'll each take a pair of 3-D glasses..." Dilbert continues, "You can see the layers of management incompetence practically jump out at you." Dilbert hands out cards and says, "Now scratch one of these scented cards to sniff the unmistakable odor of doom." Wally and Alice are suffering from the smell. The Boss says, "I don't smell anything. Is mine broken?"
Share September 25, 2000's comic on:
Caption reads: "Dogbert consults." Dogbert sits at a table with the Boss. He passes a large binder to the Boss and says, "Here's my report full of obvious generalities." Dogbert continues, "My fee is $90,000." The Boss picks up the report and says, "What are you recommending?" Dogbert answers, "I recommend telling everyone it was free."
Share July 12, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert sits between Alice and Wally at a meeting. Someone is speaking, saying, "Blah, blah." Dilbert thinks to himself, "I can't believe I get paid for this." Dilbert looks down the table at his co-workers, all looking dazed. Dilbert thinks, "This thing lasts two more hours." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Maybe I should fidget with my pen." Dilbert looks at Wally who is fidgeting with his pen. Dilbert thinks, "I'm too late. Now I'd look uncreative." Dilbert continues to think to himself, "I wonder how long I could hold my breath." Wally continues to fidget with his pen and thinks, "Fidget." Dilbert holds his breath as Wally continues to fidget with his pen. Dilbert passes out and hits the ground with a "WHUMP!" Alice looks at Dilbert's feet propped up on the table as Wally grabs for Dilbert's pen. He says, "Ooh, TWO pens. What would THAT be like?"
Share June 03, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sitting in front of computer. Dogbert, while typing, says, "I'll cure your shyness by putting nude photos of you on the Internet." Dilbert and Dogbert looking at computer screen. Computer makes "AAEEII!!," "COUGH COUGH," "UNH" sounds. Dilbert and Dogbert sitting at table eating cereal and hot drink. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I didn't know the Internet could reject a body." Dogbert replies, "I didn't know it could scream."
Share June 02, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert is in bed under blanket and says to Dogbert, "I've been having severe shyness attacks at work." Dogbert, who is sitting on Dilbert's legs says, "I can help." Dogbert says, "I'll send nude photos of you to everyone on the internet." Dilbert is in bed covering his upper body and asks Dogbert, "Will that work?" Dogbert, who is situated on Dilbert's leg replies, "All of my previous clients are dating 'Motley Crue' band members."
Share June 01, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert in his cubicle in his office next to his computer staring at the phone thinking, "I'm having a severe case of telephone shyness." Dilbert thinking, "I'm afraid to pick up the phone and make business calls." Dilbert entering the restroom thinking, "I'll duck into a restroom stall until the shyness passes."