20% Comic Strips
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49 Results for 20%
View 1 - 10 results for 20% comic strips. Discover the best "20%" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 14,
2019
Ignorant Opinions
Tags #boss, #criticism, #insults, #office workers, #Opinion, #sarcasm
Transcript
Man: I told your boss I think your project is heading in the wrong direction. Dilbert: Given that you only know about 20% of what one should know to have an informed opinion on the topic, may I conclude that you are stupid and toxic? Man: You don't know me! Dilbert: I'm basing my opinion on the 20% I do know.
Saturday March 16,
2019
Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #boss, #conscience, #rethink, #quit, #raise, #going along, #don't, #ruin
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.
Friday December 07,
2018
Keeping The Worthless People
Tags #boss, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #salary, #incompetence
Transcript
Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.
Sunday November 25,
2018
Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge
Transcript
Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Monday January 23,
2017
Wally's Coffee Ideas
Tags #coffee, #obsession, #caffeine, #decaf, #competition, #thinking, #intelligence
Transcript
Wally: I recommend buying the company that supplies coffee to our biggest competitor. We'll replace their regular coffee with decaf enjoy a solid 20-point I.Q. advantage over them. Boss: Do all of your ideas involve coffee. Wally: Only the good ones.
Tuesday September 29,
2015
Tags #fitness, #competition, #step, #fitbit, #tracker, #technology, #competitive, #exercise, #walking, #Sports, #health
Transcript
Wally: According to my fitness tracker, I took 20,000 steps yesterday. Alice: What? That's double what I did. You won't win this! I will run to the ends of the earth to beat your step count! Dilbert: Do you really have a fitness tracker? Wally: No, it looks like a lot of work.
Sunday April 05,
2015
Tags #work ethic, #work, #google, #big business, #projects, #ideas, #innovation
Transcript
CEO: We're borrowing a policy from Google because they are so awesome. You may now use 20% of your workday on your own project ideas. Dilbert: Are you saying we can do 20% less work on our core functions? CEO: No, no. Nothing like that. I'm saying you can work on your own project ideas for 20% of your time. Dilbert: Okay... so... if the 20% doesn't come out of our work hours, where does it come from? Alice: I think he's trying to make us work 20% longer for the same amount of pay. Dilbert; We could just tell people we do it, but not do it. CEO: Same as Google! That's all I'm asking.
Tuesday March 24,
2015
Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates
Tags #product design, #product designer, #cruelty, #update, #computer, #reboot, #operating system, #torture, #technology
Transcript
Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?
Tuesday February 04,
2014
Tags #dieting & weight control, #stress, #overeating, #willpower, #downside, #20 year reduction, #life expectency
Transcript
Dilbert: I took your advice to start overeating so I could save all of my willpower for work. The only downside is a twenty-year reduction in my life expectancy. Boss: Are you okay with that? Dilbert: Who would want twenty extra years of my life?