dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert: i like working from home. i can do eight hours of work in one hour because no one is interrupting me.
dogbert yelling: i'm trying to work here!
dilbert: did i tell you about my bowel problems?
dogbert: go away!
dilbert: i'm working at home to avoid the coronavirus. i'll have to stay here 24 hours a day.
dogbert: that's tragic.
dilbert: i don't mind.
dogbert: i meant tragic for me.
carol: every time i try to call your mobile phone, you don't answer.
wally: i only answer my phone when i'm in the bathroom.
carol: i will never call you again.
wally: it's time for office hours.
Wally: I fell in love with a chatbot. We met on a plumbing supply website. I started innocently. I had a few questions about faucets. Next thing I knew, she was getting flirty. Now we chat for hours every night.
Alice: That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard you creepy loser.
Dilbert: Does your chatbot have a sister?
Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.
Dilbert: I'd better make a list of all the things I need to do today. Narrator: Eight hours later. Dilbert: I have 347 urgent tasks, and I add about seven new ones each day. I'll cross "make a to-do list" off my to-do list and call it a day.
The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker.
Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails.
The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful.
All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy.
Wally: Its about time you recognized my value.
Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life.
The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments.
You're supposed to be here two hours ago.
Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?
Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.
Tina: My phone is broken. Can I use yours to make a call? Wally: Absolutely. If it seems warm, that's because I was using it in the men's room for the past two hours. Tina: I'll ask someone else. Wally: Yup.
