75% Competent Comic Strips
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39 Results for 75% Competent
View 1 - 10 results for 75% competent comic strips. Discover the best "75% Competent" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 14,
2020
Brain Fog
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday September 03,
2019
Wally Covers For Boss
Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #motivation, #vacations
Transcript
Boss: I need you to fill in for me while I'm on vacation. I would have asked someone competent, but they're all on vacation next week, too. Please don't destroy the entire company. Wally: Do I seem that motivated?
Saturday June 29,
2019
Drooling Incompetents
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #competent, #incompetent
Transcript
wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.
Friday June 16,
2017
75 Slides Too Long
Tags #public speaking, #presentation, #length, #brevity, #powerpoint
Transcript
Asok: I have 75 slides to discuss in ten minutes. Save your questions to the end. CEO: Sit down and never talk to me again as long as you live. Dilbert: How'd the CEO presentation go? Asok: It was 75 slides too long.
Thursday June 15,
2017
Alice Helps Asok With Slides
Tags #presentation, #public speaking, #powerpoint, #slide, #Advice, #speech
Transcript
Asok: Can you help me edit my slides for my CEO presentation? I have 75 slides and ten minutes to present. Alice: Get rid of 74 of them. Asok: I'll ask someone else.
Saturday December 10,
2016
Cartoonist As Spokesperson
Tags #spokesperson, #embarrassment, #celebrity, #promoter, #product
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for a celebrity spokesperson, but we don't have much budget for it. All we can afford is a cartoonist. Can you do the job for $75? Scott Adams: Deal! Boss: Have you ever done anything on social media that would embarrass us? Scott Adams: I thought that's what it's for.
Tuesday May 31,
2016
Political Opinions Only Make It Worse
Tags #intelligence, #speaking, #conversation, #Politics
Transcript
Man: Did you watch any of the debates? Dilbert: Stop right there. I'm barely clinging to the illusion that you're competent at your job. Don't talk about politics or it will only get worse. Man: Did you know China caused climate change by hogging the sun? Dilbert: And there it is.
Saturday May 28,
2016
Network Is Slow
Tags #bandwidth, #network, #speed, #nsfw, #videos, #internet, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.
Friday March 11,
2016
Boss Is Bad Negotiator
Tags #haggle, #money, #negotation, #negotiating, #raise, #salary, #trick, #eric scott
Transcript
Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!
Thursday February 25,
2016
Asok The Uber Driver
Tags #driver, #taxi, #ride share, #rideshare, #money, #compensation, #wages
Transcript
Asok: Today is my first day as an Uber driver. I love the flexibility! I only have to work 75 hours a week and can pay my rent. Man: With plenty left over? Asok: Are you going to finish that sandwich?