asok: our pointy-haired boss isn't returning my messages, do you think he plans to fire me?
dilbert: no
asok: phew! good.
dilbert: you're just totally unimportant to him.
asok: yes! that's where i want to be!
asok: i've noticed that the more experience i gain, the more cynical and jaded i become. am i doomed to become a golem-like creature with a bad attitude if i work here long enough? no offense.
Wally: none taken.
boss: the company is considering no longer requiring employees to wear i.d. badges.
asok yelling: yes! freedom!
dilbert: too too. hold... hold...
boss: ...in favor of permanent forehead tattoos.
dilbert: always wait for the second part.
boss: put some numbers on this decision so it looks a if we thought about it longer.
asok: are you seriously telling me to do the analysis after the decision?
boss: if you need help, talk to one of the experienced liars in the department.
Tina: Ugh, Dilbert is on the project team? That guy doesn't believe in safety.
Man: Just out of curiosity, what evidence of that extremely weird allegation have you seen?
Tina: What evidence do you have that you exist? See? Anyone can do that.
Boss: Scientists say our smartphones can spread the coronavirus. That's why I no longer answer the phone. You never know if the caller is infected.
Asok: I don't think...
Dilbert: Let it go.
Voice: That is a dumb idea, you pointy-haired fool.
Boss: Who mumbled that? I can't tell with your face masks.
Voice: Meetings just got a lot more fun.
Boss: Who is saying that???
asok: have you ever tried meditating?
wally: sounds like a lot of work.
asok: it is the opposite of work. all you have to do is sit in one place and think of nothing in particular.
wally: can i drink coffee at the same time.
asok: that is not recommended.
wally: in other words, meditating is what i already do, but without the advantage of coffee?
asok: perhaps you have already achieved enlightenment.
wally: feels that way to me.
boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support.
dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn.
dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order.
click
dogbert: and he's gone.
asok: genius!
