Ability Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

27 Results for Ability

View 1 - 10 results for ability comic strips. Discover the best "Ability" comics from Dilbert.com.

Captcha

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Captcha  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #application, #app, #robot, #ability, #evidence, #explaination, #moron, #sense

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: gaaa! why can't i ever type the captcha letters correctly to get into this app? dilbert: your inability to prove you are not a robot is strong evidence that you are, in fact, a robot. boss: yes, that makes sense. dilbert: the other explanation is that you are a moron, and you know that isn't true, so...

Contradicting Himself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Contradicting Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #managing, #proof, #body cam, #camera, #recording

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ability to focus, #painful, #rewired brain, #thinking, #change topic

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The distractions of the digital age have rewired my brain and ruined my ability to focus. Now I find it painful to dwell on any topic for longer than five seconds. Boss: Let's talk about this. Wally: No-o-o! Change the topic!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #focus, #losing focus ability, #wasn't important, #digital distractions, #conversations

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Studies say people are losing their ability to focus because of all the digital distractions. Wally: Sorry, what? Dilbert: Hold on... Wally: What were you saying? Dilbert: I dunno. Probably wasn't important.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tv newsroom, #switches off brain, #abilities, #science segment, #film celebrities, #rational decisions

View Transcript

Transcript

TV Newsroom Dilbert says, "I invented a drug that switches off the brain's ability to make rational decisions." Dilbert says, "I think it would make a good story for your science segment." Man says, "Or we could drug-dart celebrities and film what happens." Dilbert says, "For science, right?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #job, #hanging, #ridiculous, #humiliation, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "In your first round of interviews we tested your reaction to humiliation and small arms fire." Dogbert says, "In round two I will test your ability to keep company secrets." Ratbert says, "When are you going to tell him this is a courtesy interview?" Dilbert says, "What?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

I have the ability to quantify the unquantifiable. "That is why they call me Dogbert the quantifier." "Who calls you that?" "Eight people."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Your project came in 10% over budget." "Actually, it came in at exactly what I estimated." "You cut my budget by 10% because you wanted to feel like a leader." "I assume you'll give me a huge raise to reward my excellent estimating ability." "Why can't you be like Wally? His project budget was $10,000,000 and he only spent $147." "If you're so smart, explain that!" "That's hard to explain without using the phrase 'You gullible toad.'" "I'm next. What kind of mood is he in?" "Not so good."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #worer, #40 million a year, #400 x worker pay, #salary, #disparity, #golden egg, #every ten minutes, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions." Alice: "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?" "I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week." "Do you work 28,000 hours per week?" "Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?" CEO: "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!" "Golden egg. One every ten minutes." "Good answer."