Account Comic Strips

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37 Results for Account

View 1 - 10 results for account comic strips. Discover the best "Account" comics from Dilbert.com.

Recurring Charges

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Recurring Charges - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #cancel, #online, #charges, #information, #automated phone system, #contact, #website, #microphone

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dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.

Ted Liked A Tweet

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Ted Liked A Tweet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #managers & supervisors, #fired, #business, #twitter, #tweet, #hacked, #technology, #social media, #file, #lie, #plausible, #liked, #unacceptable

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boss: ted, i have to fire you for liking an unacceptable tweet seven years ago on twitter. ed: it..it..wasn't me. someone hacked my account, or maybe my finger slipped. boss: which lie do you want me to put in your file? ted: did either of them sound plausible?

Teaching Ai To Flirt

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Teaching Ai To Flirt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bank, #business, #office, #office workers, #robot

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dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m

Fake Email From The Ceo

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Fake Email From The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virus, #infection, #malware, #technology, #typo, #literacy

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Dilbert: I can't delete the Elbonian virus in our network. It keeps replicating. Holy carp! It created a fake email full of typos and bad ideas and sent it out from our CEO's account! Wait, no. That's actually from our CEO. Wally: Maybe the virus can fix him.

Boss Gets A Troll

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Boss Gets A Troll  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #troll, #social media, #trolling, #insult, #technology

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Boss: This idiot keeps insulting me on social media! Every time I block him, he returns with a new account. It's like he never has anything better to do. Dilbert: Do you have a new hobby? Wally: It's more like a passion.

Ideal Customer

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Ideal Customer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #market research, #sham, #yes-man, #demographics

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Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time machine, #time travel, #experiment, #algorithm, #planning, #mistake, #error, #science

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Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial, #jargon, #money, #accounting, #language

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Boss: I think it is important for every employee to understand our company's income statement. I don't have time to get into all of the details, so I'll hit the high points. Compared to last year... our ebida have been amortized over an accrued market discount. Meanwhile, our capital account liabilities have a pass-through income that is far larger than our on-time costs. And the mome raths outgrabe. Too far? Dilbert: I wasn't listening.

Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief

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Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #identity theft, #impostor, #insult, #investment, #money, #stealing, #guest artist, #josh shipley

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Boss: An identity thief stole my identity and opened a brokerage account. Dilbert: How did they know he was an impostor? Did he make a smart investment? Boss: That isn't funny. Wally: Did the impostor have a sense of humor?

Alice Uses Social Media

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Alice Uses Social Media - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #twitter, #careers, #competition, #deception, #trick, #flame, #internet, #technology

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Alice: Well, Ted, it looks like you and I are competing for the same promotion. My plan is to use social media to make you look bad. Catbert: I fired Ted for trash-talking you on Twitter. Alice: I don't have a social media account and it still works!