Actually A Woman Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

722 Results for Actually A Woman

View 1 - 10 results for actually a woman comic strips. Discover the best "Actually A Woman" comics from Dilbert.com.

Remote Workers Do Not Mate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Remote Workers Do Not Mate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearance, #dating, #love & dating, #walking, #outdoors, #dating app, #woman, #app, #reproduction, #inner qualities, #goodbye, #genes

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.

Dilbert Interrupts Women

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Interrupts Women - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #discrimination, #office workers, #interrupt, #woman, #sense, #nincompoop, #babble, #pattern

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you? alice: he doesn't interrupt me. tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so... alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings. tina: well, i certainly don't know where you... alice: let's head back now. tina: you interrupted me! alice: try to spot the pattern.

Cut Pay For No Commute

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cut Pay For No Commute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #commute, #employment, #wages, #reduce, #pocket, #stealing, #prison, #innocent, #laptop, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and boss on video call. boss: i've decided to reduce your pay because you no longer commute. when you pocket those savings, it is as if you are stealing from the company. dilbert: actually, it isn't like that at all. boss: everyone in prison says they're innocent too.

Lonely Man

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lonely Man  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #discuss, #issue, #video call, #voice call, #attractive, #lonely, #Women, #man, #remote, #work from home, #cell phone, #linkedin, #profile, #photo

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert on couch with cell phone texting. dilbert texting: let's do a zoom call to discuss that issue. tap tap tap other person's response: you only want to do a video call because i'm an attractive woman and you are a lonely single man working remotely. will you settle for a voice call while you stare at my linkedin profile photo? dilbert: yes

Not The Smartest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not The Smartest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineers, #smart, #iterate, #technology, #leadership, #incompetence, #excellence, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we might not have the smartest engineers, but we can iterate faster than anyone. dilbert: actually, we do have the smartest engineers, but your leadership incompetence cancels out our excellence. dilbert: and i'll bet you don't know what "iterate" means. boss: i didn't think it would matter.

Fraud Presenter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fraud Presenter  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #presentation, #incorrect, #fraud, #exposed, #resignation, #immediate, #meeting, #won

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker making a presentation with graph. wally: is it a coincidence that the only part of your presentation i understand is also clearly wrong? co-worker: well, you caught me. i'm actually a fraud. i offer my resignation, effective immediately. goodbye. wally to dilbert: this is the first time i ever won a meeting. i have to say, it feels good.

High Morale

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
High Morale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #happy, #embezzling, #morale, #employee engagement, #train, #mock, #maockery

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert singing and dancing. boss: you seem way too happy about your job. are you embezzling? dilbert: no, i'm experiencing great morale and high employee engagement, just the way you trained me. boss: that actually works? dilbert: it did until you made a mockery of it just now.

Coffee Productivity

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coffee Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #business, #projects, #productive, #medical, #coffee, #lie, #medical-grade coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.

Credit Goes To Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Credit Goes To Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #business, #culture, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #ownership, #report, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i realize this report has dilbert's name on it, but the credit goes to me. because i ordered him to do it. dilbert: actually, i came up with the idea and wrote it on my own time. boss: well, i created the culture that made it all possible. dilbert yelling: i did the work!!!

Doubled Income

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Doubled Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #income, #double, #insincere, #gesture, #pandemic, #people, #suffering, #coronavirus, #appearance, #empathy, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we doubled our income during the pandemic, and it isn't a good look. we need to make some sort of insincere gesture of support for people who are suffering. dilbert: or we could actually help people. boss: i'm thinking more along the lines of a sign in the foyer.