After I Update Comic Strips
349 Results for After I Update
View 1 - 10 results for after i update comic strips. Discover the best "After I Update" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share June 12, 2020's comic on:
Boss: I have a great idea. Let's create a google document that we can all update. Dilbert: That is exactly the idea I suggested to you yesterday. Boss: You can't prove that. Dilbert: That was only true until I learned to wear a wire.
Share April 26, 2020's comic on:
dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.
Share April 13, 2020's comic on:
Share April 12, 2020's comic on:
boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!
Share February 15, 2020's comic on:
dilbert: we destroyed all of the prototypes you requested. boss: i never asked for anything remotely like that. dilbert: ted said you did. boss: did he tell you that before or after i fired him last week?
Share January 24, 2020's comic on:
ceo: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's... dilbert: a deep fake? ceo: i was going to say duck. dilbert: you might want to update your folksy sayings every century or two.
Share January 05, 2020's comic on:
boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?
Share December 04, 2019's comic on:
wally: did you see my project update? boss: no wally: i left it on your cluttered desk. try excavating a few layers to find it. dilbert: what happens when he realizes it isn't there? wally: that's when i tell him to check his cluttered email.
Share October 31, 2019's comic on:
dogbert: welcome to dogcart's sensitivity training dogbert passing out papers: today you will learn how to never offend anyone ever again class including dilbert: are you going to kill us? dogbert: no, no, no. after an hour of this class, you'll want to do it yourself.