Ahead Of Schedule Comic Strips

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137 Results for Ahead Of Schedule

View 1 - 10 results for ahead of schedule comic strips. Discover the best "Ahead Of Schedule" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #variables, #forecast

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dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!

Detailed Explanation

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Detailed Explanation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers

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office worker: did my detailed explanation answer your question? wally: i started to lose consciousness about fifteen minutes into it, so I thought of other things while you talked, just to stay awake. office worker: i could start over. wally: go ahead. i'll be down the hall if you need me.

Gut Feeling

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Gut Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #tests, #data, #instinct

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Dilbert: Why are we going ahead with the plan when the data says it can't succeed? Boss: I manage by instinct and gut feelings. Dilbert: How's that different from being insane or stupid? Boss: My gut says I should not listen to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #engineering, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #schedule

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Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.

Boss Leads All The Way

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Boss Leads All The Way - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #encouragement, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #trick, #deadline

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Boss: We'll all need to work around the clock to meet the launch schedule. I'll be leading you every step of the way! Now, don't hate me because I can lead you while I'm home asleep. That's not my fault.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #employee, #calendar, #week, #awkward, #problem, #schedule, #relative, #lunch, #sandwich

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Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.

Facial Recognition Software

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Facial Recognition Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #facial recognition, #stupid, #insult, #obliviousness, #prototype, #intelligence

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Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.

Dating A Skeleton

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Dating A Skeleton - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sex, #dating, #relationships, #questioning, #desperation

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Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time

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Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?

Optimal Meeting Density

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Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

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Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.