Almost Sport Comic Strips

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101 Results for Almost Sport

View 1 - 10 results for almost sport comic strips. Discover the best "Almost Sport" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax

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Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2020's comic on:


Tags #boss, #sarcasm, #suspicion, #virus, #pandemic, #hoax

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CEO: The coronavirus is a hoax. It is no more dangerous than a common cold. Dilbert: It's almost as if you are inviting the universe to smite you. CEO: Don't jinx me! Dilbert: It's far too late.

Wally Not Working

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 Wally Not Working - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology, #work ethic, #micro-managing

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boss: you don't seem to be working. wally: i don't want to start something new because it's almost the end of my work day. boss: it's ten o'clock in the morning. wally: and here comes the micro-managing.

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Leadership And Guessing

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Leadership And Guessing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #coffee, #managers & supervisors, #office

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alice to the boss: one option is to use the old method that has never once worked, but we think we know how to make it work next time. alice: the other option is to try something new that we can't be sure will work. alice: it's almost as if leadership is nothing but guessing. the boss drinking coffee: let's change the subject.

Elbonian Cabbage Juggling

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Elbonian Cabbage Juggling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #offense, #offensive, #racist, #racism

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Dilbert: Here's my first cut at a sales video for our Elbonian market segment. Video: If you enjoy juggling cabbages while overdrinking, you'll love our products! Boss: This sounds kind of racist. Dilbert: Inebriated cabbage-juggling is their national sport.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

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The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hot peppers, #competition, #burned, #unedible, #face burned, #fire, #group, #face burn, #head, #flame

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Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #customer service, #loyalty program, #survey, #frustration

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Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Asok's Body Double

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Asok's Body Double - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #arrest, #hit man, #mistaken identity, #body double, #doppelganger

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Alice: I thought you got arrested for killing the creator of Garfield's body double. Asok: Almost. They arrested my body double. Alice: Why do you have a body double? Asok: It's for situations like this.

Being More Honest

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Being More Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #advertising, #honesty, #cover-up, #performance, #shortcoming, #business

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Dilbert: My tests show we underperform our competition on nine out of eleven dimensions. Boss: Give the two good ones to Marketing. We can't be more honest than that. Dilbert: I'm almost certain we can. Boss: No, we really can't.