Annual Performance Comic Strips
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191 Results for Annual Performance
View 1 - 10 results for annual performance comic strips. Discover the best "Annual Performance" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 13,
2019
Performance Versus Pay
Tags #angry, #big business, #employees, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company. Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked? Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance. Dilbert: That's the same thing! Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain. Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either? Boss: Now you've made it awkward.
Tuesday July 09,
2019
Below Average
Thursday December 13,
2018
Alice Writes Own Review
Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #performance, #sarcasm, #review
Transcript
Boss: I'm asking everyone to write their own performance reviews. Alice: "She shone like the light of a thousand suns." Boss: Slop some jargon on that and put a bow on it. Alice: Got it.
Wednesday December 12,
2018
Write Your Own Review
Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #performance, #sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: I need you to write your own performance review for my signature. Dilbert: I'll sign it for you too. I see no reason for you to be involved. Boss: Put something in there about insubordination. Dilbert: Got it.
Saturday August 11,
2018
Speaking Truth To Power
Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power
Transcript
Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
Wednesday February 21,
2018
Wally Maintains The Network
Tags #information, #spying, #surviellance, #blackmail, #extortion
Transcript
Boss: Wally, your performance is terrible. You're fired. Wally: Are you aware that every message you have ever sent using company devices is archived on a network you assigned me to maintain? Boss: Is that a threat? Wally: I also archive your web searches.
Friday November 17,
2017
Ted Might Drop Dead
Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical
Transcript
Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.
Thursday October 19,
2017
Boss Is The Common Variable
Tags #managing, #managers, #failure, #common denominator, #Advice, #performance, #motivation
Transcript
Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.
Tuesday December 06,
2016
Ted Gets A New Phone
Tags #punishment, #reward, #gift, #samsung, #explosion, #battery
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.