Attendance Comic Strips

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21 Results for Attendance

View 1 - 10 results for attendance comic strips. Discover the best "Attendance" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Watch Is A Snitch

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Wally's Watch Is A Snitch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #wearable tech, #health, #surveillance, #fitbit, #monitor, #fitness, #attendance

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Wally: I can't come to work today. I'm totally sick. Boss: According to your employee health monitor, you're not sick at all. Wally: Stupid snitch!!!

Wally Works On Stealth Clothing

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Wally Works On Stealth Clothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #invisibility, #attendance, #deception, #laziness

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Boss: We won a bid to design stealth clothing for the military. Wally: Ooh! Ooh! I volunteer to work on that project. Boss: Um... okay. Narrator: One month later. Boss: Your attendance has been poor lately. Wally: Here's where I teach you about "reasonable doubt."

Manager Of The Year Award

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Manager Of The Year Award - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #attendance, #manager, #management, #laissez faire, #cause and effect, #award, #accolade

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Catbert: Employees voted you "Manager of the Year." As usual, this honor is going to the manager with the worst attendance. We're hoping it's more of a correlation than a causation thing.

Attendance Strategy

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Attendance Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #attendance, #Advice, #mentor, #mentoring

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Wally: Ideally, you want to find a job that requires more attendance than work. And then you want to concoct an endless string of "reasons" you can't come to work. The ultimate goal is getting paid for being nothing but a concept. Asok: I bask in your wisdom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #compliment, #compliments, #insult, #insulting, #work ethic, #technical skills, #perfect attendance, #risk averse, #no social life, #irrational needs, #code writing puppet

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Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #laziness, #successful people, #start early, #really working, #boss, #first four hours

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Wally: Studies show that successful people can start early. Can I start work at 4AM and quit at noon? Boss: How would I know you were really working the first four hours? Wally: Same way you know now. Boss: I don't know now. Wally: It's like that but with less attendance.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #work load, #complaints, #inexperinced, #exact opposite, #doesn't know much, #hired useless man, #bad attendence, #not perfect, #ask questions

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Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #empire consultant, #crown, #king, #attendance, #present, #luck, #bit rate, #lab coat, #raise hand

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Dogbert the empire builder consultant Dogbert says, "Success is just attendance plus luck." Dogbert says, "You always want to be in the general vicinity when something good happens." Dilbert says, "Wow. I just doubled the bit rate." Boss says, "Present!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #economy, #scam, #budget

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Dogbert says, "the Dogbert outsourcing company has a solution for every budget." Dogbert says, "At the deluxe level you get highly educated Indian who speak perfect English." The boss says, "Sounds pricey." The boss says, "Let me see?at my budget level we can get..." The boss says, "...One illiterate Elbonian with poor attendance and an anger management problem." the boss says, "Stupid economy." the boss says, "I'll take him." Dogbert says, "I should warn you that he handles several accounts... and he doesn't know he has a job." Elbonian says, "Why does everyone keep calling me and complaining?! I hate your guts!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #dont know, #creating illusion, #work, #conflating, #concepts, #attendence, #prodcutivity, #business

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Tina: I don't know you. Why are you in this meeting? Wally: "I'm creating the illusion of work by conflating the concepts of attendance and productivity." "You should leave." Wally: "And who should I say hates teamwork?"