Automatic Registartion Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

17 Results for Automatic Registartion

View 1 - 10 results for automatic registartion comic strips. Discover the best "Automatic Registartion" comics from Dilbert.com.

Coffee Machine Uses Guilt

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coffee Machine Uses Guilt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #alice, #Dilbert, #coffee, #coffee maker, #automatic, #invention, #manipulation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. Now it uses guilt to manipulate people into making a fresh pot if they take the last cup. Coffee Maker: You disgust me. Wally: I get that a lot.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trigger automatic promotion, #be that employee, #part of team, #not special

View Transcript

Transcript

I need to have one more direct report and it will trigger an automatic promotion for me. "Your job is to be that employee." "How's it feel to be part of the team?" "Not as special as I'd hoped."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #less prodcutive, #automatic promotion, #hiring, #work like idiot, #look like idiot, #pointy haired alice

View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, I need you to be less productive." "I'll get an automatic promotion if I can justify hiring one more direct report." "If I'm going to work like an idiot, I might as well look like one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cpr on blob, #fire in break room, #sprinkler system, #water melketed, #witch melted

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "When I found out that the manager who replaced me was a witch, I set a fire in the break room." "The automatic sprinkler system came on and melted her. Witches don't like water." "Are you glad to have me back?" "I've been doing CPR on this blob for two days."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #Men, #automatic registartion, #product, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to the Boss, "I plan to spend the next year adding automatic registration to our product." Dilbert says to Wally, "It already has that feature." Both the Boss and Wally turn to look at Dilbert. Dilbert replies, "Oh."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #application, #compliment, #executive review commitee, #must be approved, #compliments are entitlement

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I put you in for a compliment, Alice." The Boss continues, "It's not automatic. The application must be approved by the executive review committee." Three members of the executive review committee sit at a conference table. A woman says, "I don't think so." A man replies, "We don't want them to think compliments are an entitlement."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new software, #installed, #send registartion, #modem, #credit card, #Number, #new products, #virus, #excellent marketing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. A message on the screen says, "Your new software is successfully installed. Do you want to send your registration info by modem?" Dilbert says, "Yes." A message says, "The software has found your credit card number and is placing orders for new products it thinks you need . . . Please wait." Dilbert says, "Uh." The message says, "Making room on your hard drive . . ." Dilbert says as he loads a rifle, "I can't tell if it's a virus or just excellent marketing." Dogbert holds the box of ammunition and adds, "Either way . . "

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #heaven, #Dogbert, #relaxed standards, #automatic, #halo, #frisbees, #angel, #pearly gates

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a cloud across from an angel at a podium. The angel says, "Welcome to heaven, Mister Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Wow, it looks like you guys relaxed your standards!" The angel says, "Dogs are automatic. No matter what you do, there's always a place in heaven for every little dog." Dogbert takes the angel's halo off and stands on the podium. The angel puts his hands on his hips and says angrily, "I'd like that back now, if you don't mind!!" Dogbert says, "What kind of distance can you get with these little 'Frisbees?'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ammunition, #automatic weapons, #bazookas, #citizens, #conversation about guns, #dog, #gun ownership, #no ammunition, #right to own guns, #rocket launchers, #weapons of choice, #charlton heston, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

"What's your position on gun ownership, Dogbert?" "I believe everybody should have the right to own guns." "What about automatic weapons?" "I'm all for them." "Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers, too." "I believe that all citizens should have the weapons of their choice." "However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition." "Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you Goobers with anything more dangerous than string." "What about Charleton Heston?" "I'd keep the string away from him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #school, #technology, #imbeciles, #automatic, #bank, #machines, #microwave, #ovens, #video, #recorders, #cd players, #vcr

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open a school for people who are technology imbeciles." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach people how to use automatic bank machines, microwave ovens, video recorders, CD players, that sort of thing . . ." Dogbert sits at a desk labeled "Imbecile Admissions." A little boy holds his father's hand and says, "I thought he was reasonably bright until we got the VCR . . ." Dogbert replies, "They can fool you."